


god, this feels good

by sydthesciencekidd



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, High School AU, Jealousy, M/M, Secret Relationship, Smut, all the fun stuff, and a lil angst but, hehehehe, im embarassed, im sorry, its all resolved, lol, no beta we die like men, okay the smut is only in the first chapter so, pls spare me, the rest is fluff I promise, too scared to tag dreamnotfound but its definitely there, u can skip it :)))), yep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydthesciencekidd/pseuds/sydthesciencekidd
Summary: Karl just looks at him, watches as Sapnap finally reaches him, one hand coming up to trace the edge of Karl's jaw. He's not sure how to react, too busy feeling mesmerized by the way Sapnap's looking at him now.He doesn't look at her like this,he thinks to himself, heart fluttering in his chest.Only me.(a bunch of karlnap one shots that are from the same ~high school au~ bc i don't have the mental capacity to develop a plot but im attached to this universe lol)
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 329
Kudos: 1719





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone in this fic is uncomfy i will take it down in a HEARTBEAT 
> 
> this is uhm . well it’s uhm. just take it ...... 
> 
> it was NOT supposed to be this long pls i was just writing it for fun and then it turned into This ..... but ya know :) oh well 
> 
> i hope u enjoy :D

Karl was pissed, to put it simply.

He was currently sitting in his fourth period history class, head propped against his hand as he silently sulked by himself. There was only around twenty more minutes left of class, and because the teacher had given them the remaining class-time to work on homework, everyone was sort of milling around, turning in their seats to talk with friends.

Across the room from him, his boyfriend Sapnap was sitting in his desk, legs turned so that he was sitting sideways, his body facing Karl's direction. Despite this, Sapnap definitely wasn't paying attention to him. His face was tilted up to look at the girl standing in front of him, giving her a small smile. And that was royally pissing him off.

Not that Karl always needed Sapnap's attention on him, of course. It's just, he couldn't stand seeing the other boy — _his_ boy — with her. He watched as she sat on his desk, smiling down at him with those big blue eyes, and he felt utterly excluded.

The worst part of the whole thing is that as much as Karl pretended like he didn't care (which, he definitely did), he couldn't do anything about it. Because him and Sapnap, what they had, was nowhere near public knowledge. And Karl didn't think it ever would be.

In essence, Karl feels fine with that. He doesn't need to shout his love for the other boy to the world, and he doesn't expect Sapnap to want that either. He's more than fine with the sneaking around, the thrill of it all. He feels like he's the main character in an indie coming of age movie whenever he's with Sapnap. A movie with the same cliche plot where the shy protagonist wraps the popular football player around their finger, probably accompanied by a couple of scenes where they make out behind the bleachers.

He smiles at the thought, thinking about what it would be like to actually kiss Sapnap behind the bleachers after a football game. Despite the fact that it was probably the most cliche thing he could ever experience, he thinks he would probably die if it really happened. The idea of being Sapnap's secret, he kinda liked it.

Or, he usually liked it. Right now, he wasn't so fond of the idea. Because here was Carrie, Sapnap's official girlfriend, stealing all of his attention.

Yes, girlfriend. The girl who was plopped onto Sapnap's desk right now, hand stroking up the other boy's arm; that was Sapnap's girlfriend. The girl he'd been "dating" for several long months now.

He knew Sapnap was only dating her so that people wouldn't get suspicious of him, so he tried to not get upset when they acted so gushy together. There was nothing real about their relationship, it was just a ploy for Sapnap to convince the world he was straight. Karl gets it, and he's fine with it, he really is. Because he knows that him and Sapnap are real, realer than anything Carrie thinks she has with his boy.

He notices he's been staring at the two for way too long when it's too late. Suddenly he watches as Sapnap's head moves to the side, eyes catching Karl's. He feels caught, and he quickly averts his gaze to the side, pretending like he wasn't just staring intently and frowning at the other two. He busies his eyes with a poster on the wall for several long seconds before looking back over at Sapnap.

He's still staring at him, Karl notices, and all he can think to do is stare back.

Sapnap sends him a wide smile, the most genuine expression that had appeared on his face all period. Karl feels giddy over it, being at the receiving end of Sapnap's happiness. He smiles back, head tilting into his shoulder, feeling flustered with Sapnap's undivided attention on him.

The loud noise of a text notification snaps Karl out of his short staring contest with Sapnap, and he looks to the right to see it was Carrie's phone that went off, and he feels his mood become sour all over again. Leave it to her to unintentionally ruin the one moment he was having with his boyfriend, Karl thinks, unashamedly rolling his eyes at her over-the-top apology about how loud she was being.

"Oh my _god_ , that's so embarrassing, sorry y'all!" she practically yells, and Karl has to restrain himself from slamming his head into his desk.

Looking back over at Sapnap, he expects to have lost the boy's attention for the rest of the period, but he's pleasantly surprised to find that Sapnap is still looking at him.

Shortly, though, Sapnap is looking back at Carrie, and then back at Karl, a smirk forming on his face.

Karl sends him a questioning look, confused at what he was smirking about.

Sapnap raises his eyebrows in response, and his smirk turned into a playful smile. Before Karl could even begin to question the motives of his change in mood, Sapnap turned his body in his chair to face Carrie's, taking her phone out of the hand that was holding it up to her face. Karl thought Sapnap had gone insane, stealing her phone like that without permission, but her startled expression immediately died when Sapnap pulled her down into a kiss, linking his hand into the back of her hair.

Karl could see her anger dissipate into smugness, returning the kiss with force. He could vomit, he thinks, and he doesn't understand how no one is calling them out for their excessive PDA.

Before he can turn his head to the side, Sapnap's eyes are open, and they're on Karl's again. He sees Sapnap smirk into the kiss as he closes his eyes again, probably happy that Karl was still watching them.

He scoffed at that, turning his head away from him, back to the front of the classroom. He couldn't believe the nerve of Sapnap, to ignore Karl throughout the whole period, acknowledge his presence for almost two minutes, and then make out with his "girlfriend" right in front of him.

He felt jealousy rise in him, the same ugly feeling he got when he passed Sapnap holding hands with her in the hallway, or when he he saw her run her hands through his hair in the cafeteria. It was unfair, the ways in which she got to act with his boyfriend.

He glanced back over at them, feeling relieved when he realized they had stopped. The jealousy almost died down, until he noticed that Sapnap was talking lightly with Carrie, no acknowledgement to Karl whatsoever.

Enough was enough, he decided. Before he really thought about what he was doing, he pulled his phone out, typing a quick message to Sapnap.

**to: sap <3**

meet me in the bathroom rn  
i need u

He watched as Sapnap got the notification, looking down at his phone for a few seconds before biting down a smile and typing out a reply.

**from: sap <3**

damn  
thought you'd never ask  
meet u there pretty boy ;)

Karl's face grew red at the nickname, despite his annoyance. He huffed out a sigh and slowly stood up from his chair, phone going into his pocket. He could see from his peripheral vision that Sapnap's eyes were on him, and with a new found surge of confidence, he strolled over to the teacher, asking if he could use the restroom. When the man nodded, he turned around and walked out of the door, not giving Sapnap a second glance.

Once he was out in the hallway, he smiled to himself, realizing that in a few short minutes it was just going to be him and Sapnap, alone. He walked the short distance to the closest restroom and entered, closing the door behind him as he looked to make sure there was no one else in there. Silently peeking into the open stalls, he finally felt at peace realizing he was by himself.

He leaned against the wall of the bathroom facing the stalls and waited for Sapnap to make his appearance. He had no idea how long it would take, so he got himself comfortable, arms folded as he let out a small yawn.

In the next second though, while he was still in the middle of his yawn, the door is opening, and Karl feels his heart beat quicken as he runs a hand through his hair, instantly stopping when he realizes that the freshman walking through the door is a random student, not his boyfriend.

He frowns at the other boy when he sees it's an underclassman, and the small boy looks petrified as they make eye contact, which makes Karl smile a little bit as he stares him down. The underclassmen need a little bit of fear for the seniors, Karl thinks, and he's happy to show a little dominance here and there.

The boy hurriedly walks into the nearest stall, and Karl leans back onto the wall, waiting impatiently for Sapnap's arrival.

Around thirty seconds go by when the door to the bathroom is opened again, and this time in comes Sapnap, a large smile plastered on his face. Karl felt himself involuntarily smile as well, biting his lip as he silently shushed Sapnap before he could open his big mouth and expose them, pointing to the stall that the student went into. Sapnap seemed to get the message as he lifts his eyebrows at the stall and nods slowly, making his way toward Karl nonetheless.

Karl just looks at him, watches as Sapnap finally reaches him, one hand coming up to trace the edge of Karl's jaw. He's not sure how to react, too busy feeling mesmerized by the way Sapnap's looking at him now.

_He doesn't look at her like this_ , he thinks to himself, heart fluttering in his chest. _Only me_.

He's about to risk it all and close the distance between him and Sapnap despite the kid in the stall, but he wants to savor the moment a little longer, get lost in the feeling of Sapnap's hand on him. He's still giving him the same fond look, and Karl thinks he must be giving a similar one; he can practically feel the heart-eyes radiating off of himself.

The stall opens abruptly, and Sapnap's hand instantly retracts, returning to his side. Karl misses the contact immediately, of course he does, but he tries not to pout as the freshman walks to the sinks, directly avoiding the gazes of him and Sapnap. The latter looks unbothered, arms folded and a bored expression dawning his face as he turns away from Karl.

Karl hates that he's attracted to him right now.

Several long, awkward moments pass, and finally the freshman is leaving the restroom, with one final nod to acknowledge the both of them. As the door closes behind him, Karl has to stifle a laugh at Sapnap's unamused expression.

His small laughter dies down and there's silence again. Sapnap has finally turned back to him, the same playful smile returning from before.

"Is she a better kisser than me?" Karl asks in the silence, leaning his head back onto the wall, hands behind his back.

Sapnap stares at him, still smiling smugly. "I dunno," he responds, taking a step closer to Karl, "forgot what you felt like."

Karl lets out a small giggle at that, already knowing where this was headed. "Guess I'll have to remind you, or something..." he whispers up at him, watching as Sapnap's face comes closer to his, eyes traveling from his eyes to the lips that are now crashing into him.

He finally feels better, arms moving from behind his back to around Sapnap's neck, closing his eyes and breathing in his scent. The whole situation is weirdly familiar, and it sends a small comfort through his body as Sapnap bites down on his bottom lip.

"Fuck," Sapnap breathes out, eyes roaming Karl's face as he pulls away, panting slightly, "you're definitely the better kisser."

Karl barely has time to register the butterflies that erupt in his stomach at these words, because Sapnap's mouth is back on him and he feels so overwhelmingly captivated by the taste of the others lips that he can't think of anything else. He doesn't _want_ to think of anything else.

Thoughts scrambled, he can't help but smile into the kiss, grinning like crazy as one of Sapnap's hands runs through his hair, tugging at the soft tufts; the other hand gripping steadily on his waist, rubbing small circles onto his side. At every point of intersection between their touches, Karl feels like a fire is being lit beneath his skin, and it's all too much and not enough at the same time.

Sapnap's force is dominating, and Karl's head is pushed back from the strength of the kiss, softly hitting the wall behind him with a light thud. Sapnap detaches his lips from Karl's, moving down to attack his neck, and all Karl can do is gaze up at the ceiling and let the euphoria of Sapnap settle into him.

"Been waiting for you to gimme attention," is what Karl eventually spits out, eyes still trained above him to avoid any look Sapnap might be giving him at the confession. "I felt like I was getting cucked."

Sapnap barks out a laugh against his skin, and Karl smiles sheepishly as the vibrations from the motion tickle his neck. Sometimes when him and Sapnap are wrapped up in this — whatever this is — Karl feels helplessly undone, like he needs to say anything to keep himself from spiraling apart.

"Little attention whore, huh?" Sapnap asks him, momentarily forgetting his ambush on Karl's neck. Karl feels a flush creep up his face, and it only deepens when Sapnap situates his hand on the wall to the side of his head, leaning over him, keeping the other hand in his hair. He tugs on it slightly, and Karl can't help but let out a small whimper.

He covers his face with his arm, hiding his blush in the crook of his elbow. It's embarrassing, how easily Sapnap can get this sort of reaction out of him. He hates it, hates feeling so vulnerable in the other's grasp, but he lost control of it a long time ago.

"No, no, no," Sapnap cooed at him, placing his hand on Karl's arm, slightly pulling at it, "you wanted my attention, so you're not going to hide from me, especially when you're making those pretty sounds. I wanna see you."

He lets Sapnap pull his hand away and meets his gaze, taking a moment to let himself catch his breath. The way Sapnap is talking to him now is sending him over the edge, and the only thought he can comprehend is that he desperately needs more of it.

He smiles, despite still feeling embarrassed, tugging on Sapnap's hand as he walks around him, leading him to one of the stalls. Sapnap instantly complies, letting out a small laugh.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hears Sapnap ask him, and Karl just lets out an excited giggle, bringing Sapnap into the cramped stall at the end of the room.

"Want some privacy." Karl mumbles once they're both standing opposite from each other in the small area. It's way too crowded, especially with the door closed, and their legs are knocking into each other every other second.

"Why?" Sapnap whispers, and when Karl looks up into his eyes, the whole scene feels very intimate. Their faces are only a couple of inches apart, and Sapnap's hand still hasn't let go of his.

Karl feels heat rise to his cheeks, preparing himself for what he's about to admit. "Want you to fuck my mouth," he barely manages out, lowering his gaze to avoid any look Sapnap might be giving him. He feels like he might've ruined the moment, especially when a silence follows the words, and he's about to bring his hand out of Sapnap's until the grip on his hand tightens.

"Karl," Sapnap laughs out, almost choking on his words. "You... I- Are you sure? You do realize we only have like, five minutes until the bell rings, right?"

Some of the embarrassment he felt before fades away at Sapnap's stuttering, and he feels a small stroke of confidence. "Make it quick, then." he retorts, eyes never leaving Sapnap's as he sinks to the floor.

Sapnap's eyes widen, looking from the stall door back to Karl, and Karl feels another laugh bubble in his throat. He can't believe he's actually about to do this, suck him off in the middle of fourth period. He thinks he might be crazy for even suggesting it, but all he wants is to be at the center of Sapnap's attention. He wants Sapnap to think of this hours after they finish, when he's hanging out with Carrie, or when he's eating dinner with his parents.

He brings his hands up to run across the band of the sweatpants Sapnap is wearing, glancing up at him as he bites his lip. He's waiting for Sapnap to take charge, like he usually does, so he doesn't actually make any permanent gestures. He's just sitting back on his heels, ghosting his hands across the fabric.

"Fucks sake, baby, either do something or not." Sapnap huffs out, shoving his own pants down and consequently shoving Karl's hands away as well. Karl doesn't mind, not one bit, not when Sapnap is finally being rough with him.

He feels like a dog, practically drooling at the sight of Sapnap hastily stroking himself once his pants have been dropped to his ankles. Karl's feet are jumpy against the floor, eagerly awaiting instructions from the other.

He moves his gaze upward to Sapnap's face, head thrown back against the stall wall and eyes half lidded, letting out small sounds that make Karl feel hot all over. It's beautiful, absolutely enchanting, and Karl is so caught up in just the sounds alone that he almost doesn't notice the fingers suddenly resting against his lips.

"Suck," is all that Sapnap says, and Karl doesn't even hesitate, locking eyes with him and instantly opening his mouth to take in the two fingers. Sapnap jabs them in, moving them around the hot wetness of his mouth with more force than necessary, and Karl might've gagged if he hadn't been used to this sort of thing by now. If anything, he savors the slight edge of pain from the rough nature of Sapnap's actions. Besides, its not like he could complain when his mouth was full anyway.

Sapnap abruptly jerks his fingers in a particularly harsh manner and Karl moans around them, getting used to the sensation. Just as he's appreciating the feeling, Sapnap is removing his fingers, resting them against Karl's parted lips. They're coated in saliva, and although Karl is thankful for the break to catch his breath, he misses the sensation of having Sapnap in his mouth. He pouts up at Sapnap from the ground, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Sapnap sends him an evil smile, bringing the fingers that were once in Karl's mouth back around his dick, which is fully hard now. Karl gulps at the sight and feels his throat go dry.

"Such a good boy," Sapnap mumbles, eyes closing as he picks up the pace of his strokes.

He's just sitting here, watching as Sapnap gets himself off. "If I'm such a good boy, why don't you let me suck you off?" Karl asks angrily, upset that Sapnap wasn't letting him do anything, barely giving him attention.

This gets a reaction out of the other boy, eyes falling back down to Karl's. "You're so fucking impatient," Sapnap growls, hands moving down to hold up Karl's chin, "such a slut for my cock, huh?"

Karl doesn't know how he's supposed to respond, just barely nods his head in Sapnap's tight grip, tongue licking his lips in anticipation. He watches Sapnap's eyes follow the movement, and the groan he emits makes Karl hold his breath.

"Fine. Open up, then." Sapnap tells him, releasing his hands from his chin. Karl does as he's told, slacking his jaw as he lets Sapnap guide the tip of his cock into his mouth.

He slowly runs his tongue along the underside of it, looking up at Sapnap as he does.

"Stop teasing me, Karl, fuck," Sapnap groans out, hands coming down to move Karl's hair out of his face, "you want this, yeah?"

He does his best to nod, head being pushed back against the wall as Sapnap pushes into his mouth forcefully. The two fingers were nothing compared to the filling feeling of having all of Sapnap in his mouth. He already feels close to tearing up, Sapnap's dick hitting the back of his throat after each thrust. The other boy was not sparing him at all.

He sits there and takes it all, savoring the quieted moans that are leaving Sapnap's mouth. He's growing hard himself as he watches the scene right in front of him, and he slowly starts palming himself through his jeans out of desperation.

Sapnap notices, pulling at Karl's hair so that he's looking up at him. "Not yet," he breathes out, "hands off until I'm done."

He frowns up at him, pulling his mouth away from Sapnap's dick. "Please," he whimpers out, hand coming up to wipe the spit away from his mouth. "Sap, I... I need it."

"And you can have it when I'm done," Sapnap growls, guiding his dick back into Karl's mouth, not letting him get the chance to refute. "Only if you're good, though."

Karl hums around the dick that's just been shoved into his mouth, agreeing without saying anything more. They go at a similar pace for a few more minutes, and Karl does his best to sit there and look pretty, taking Sapnap deeper in his throat and swirling his tongue around in the way he knows the other boy loves. After so long without air, part of him is struggling to breathe, tears forming at the creases of his eyes as Sapnap relentlessly fucks him, but he doesn't complain.

He notices Sapnap's thrusts becoming much more erratic, so he goes still and lets Sapnap fuck his mouth freely. His speed starts to pick up, the grasp on Karl's hair tightening, and Karl can tell he's close.

"Karl, holy _fuck_ , I'm gonna...-" Sapnap grunts, stopping mid-sentence as he releases in Karl's mouth, breathing heavily while he rides out his high. Karl does his best to swallow it all, bringing his hand up to wipe at at any excess that fell on his chin. He watches Sapnap catch his breath, back leaning against the wall as he smirks down at Karl. He looks so fucking hot, so spent, and Karl feels a hotness accumulate in the bottom of his stomach.

"Shit, I forgot how good you were," Sapnap lightly laughs, still looking at Karl as he cleans himself up, bringing his sweatpants back up to their original place around his hips.

Suddenly the bell rings, and Karl could actually cry, the hard on in his pants still painfully prevalent, not getting the attention he so desperately needs. He lets out another small whimper as Sapnap stands over him, looking up at the ceiling towards the sound of the bell.

"Aw, looks like you missed your chance," Sapnap playfully states, body moving to sit down next to Karl.

He doesn't have the energy to respond properly, throwing his head against the wall behind him meekly. "But, I was good..." he says quietly, giving Sapnap his best puppy dog eyes. He knows Sapnap wouldn't leave him here like this, but he still puts on the performance.

"You were, weren't you?" Sapnap responds, biting his lip as he brings his hand to hold the edge of Karl's face, palm resting in his cheek. Karl leans into it, nuzzling his face into the firm grasp affectionately, almost forgetting that the bell just rung.

Fortunately, Sapnap remembered, because in an instant his hand is on Karl's clothed dick, palming it hastily.

"Fuck," Karl gasps out, not anticipating the incredible feeling of Sapnap's hands finally on him. He involuntarily bucks his hips into the movement, but Sapnap places a strong hand on his stomach, stopping the motion.

"Sapnap," he whines, eyes shifting closed, "more, please..."

Sapnap tuts at him, and he thinks he sees him roll his eyes as well, yet Karl feels a hand unbutton the jeans he's wearing, and before he knows it Sapnap's hand is under his clothes, wrapped around his dick.

"So needy," Sapnap practically purrs, quickening the pace of his strokes, "but you were so good for me, baby, and you look so fucking pretty right now. All wrecked."

Karl's face burns at the compliments, but it's doing something extra to him, and he's about to come just from the word "baby" alone.

"Sap, 'm gonna cum," he breathes out, eyes opening to watch Sapnap, waiting for his permission to do so.

"Go for it, baby," Sapnap says, and that's all it takes for Karl to finish, muttering curses and Sapnap's name as he does so.

He gives himself time to breathe, eyes still on Sapnap, who's eyes are raking all over his body. He feels so fucking good, body cramped up against the others, head dizzy from his gaze

"Well, that was fucking hot," Sapnap states simply, rising to his feet, and Karl lets out a small giggle at that. Sapnap lends out his hand, and Karl takes it, coming face to face with the other. He quickly pulls up his pants and buttons them before looking up into Sapnap's eyes. They stare at each other for a second before Karl realizes that the bell had rung several minutes ago.

"Shit," he says, eyes widening, "We're gonna be so late."

Sapnap shrugs, eyes looking around the bathroom, making sure they left it spotless. "Oh well," he states, eyes turning back to Karl's. "It was worth it."

Karl grins at that, and before he knows it Sapnap's mouth is on his for a quick peck, more affectionate than anything else, but it still makes Karl's insides squirm. Sapnap brings his hand into Karl's as he opens the stall door, pulling him through the opening similarly to how Karl did before.

"You should probably go out before me, so people don't get suspicious or anything," Karl says, trying to hide the disappoint of leaving Sapnap's presence. Sapnap nods, looking at the exit and then back at Karl. He didn't want to assume anything, but it seemed Sapnap may have been just as disappointed.

Before he lets go of Karl's hand, Sapnap squeezes it. "Hey, wanna come over to my house tonight?" he asks, a look in his eyes that Karl is afraid to call hopeful.

Karl tries not to smile brightly. "Thought you were hanging out with Carrie tonight..." he mumbles, eyebrows raised. He had already asked to hang out with Sapnap this morning, receiving a text that simply read 'hanging w carrie, sorry'.

"Fuck that," Sapnap says casually, and Karl feels high. "So, you in?"

As if Sapnap even had to ask.

He nods eagerly, and Sapnap lets out a small chuckle, releasing his hand from Karl's as he walks backward to the bathroom door.

"See you then, pretty boy." Sapnap says finally, winking as he turns around to exit the bathroom. As the door opens, Karl can see some people in the hallway, running to make it on time to their next period. Karl just leans back against the wall, a sigh of content leaving him.

He turns toward the mirror, a hand going through his hair in an attempt to smooth out the messiness it acquired from Sapnap's grasp. He notices that his cheeks are still bright red, and he accepts that being around Sapnap simply had that affect on him. Constantly. All the time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some ppl wanted more and who am i to not provide ??
> 
> basically, a part two of the first chapter where karl and sapnap hang out after school heheh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so much longer than i wanted it to be
> 
> enjoy nonetheless :D

Sapnap is at home, laying in bed, mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed as he casually likes every other post that features a person he knows. He's bored out of his mind, releasing a small sigh as he absentmindedly comments a fire emoji on one of his friend's post.

Suddenly his phone chimes with a message from the football group chat he's a part of, a text asking where he was and why he wasn't at practice. Sapnap mumbles a curse. He completely forgot to tell his team he wouldn't be able to make it.

He skipped out on football practice tonight for a variety of reasons. For starters, Karl was coming over, and he didn't want to waste any part of the afternoon without him. Additionally, Carrie was probably there with her friends, watching the team practice as they usually did. He did not want to encounter Carrie and her fury, especially after he ditched on hanging out with her. The string of texts he had gotten from her following his announcement were not fun to read in any manner, so he was doing his best to ignore the problem altogether.

He sends a short text in response to the group chat, something about having too much homework to do, and returns to his Instagram feed.

He stumbles upon one of Carrie's post that she uploaded yesterday, and he notices that he hasn't liked it or left any comments yet.

Yikes. He's surprised she hasn't said anything about that to him, as she usually does. He contemplates commenting now, but then he remembers that he's trying to avoid her, so he quickly moves past it.

As he's in the process of reading a caption on one of his buddies post, he hears a knock from the front door downstairs, followed by a loud barking noise. Sapnap smiles, setting down his phone, Instagram ditched. There could only be one person responsible for the knocking.

"I'll get it!" He yells to the rest of his house, taking his time getting out of bed, stretching out like a cat before rising. As he makes his way out of his room, he stops at his bathroom mirror, checking his reflection and running a hand through his hair. Just as he's about to leave, his little sister comes dashing into his room, peering into the bathroom.

"Who is it?" she asks, silently drumming her fingers on the doorframe.

"No one, Kara, get lost." he responds, trying to move past her.

"Is it Carrie?" she asks, following him down the hallway as he makes his way to the stairs. "Because if it is, tell her that she is not allowed to come into my room anymore! She was mean to Huggy." Kara pouts, and Sapnap turns to see her with her arms crossed around her stuffed bear, Huggy, and a hurt look on her face. He snorts.

"It's not Carrie, okay?" he responds, placing his hands on her shoulders, lightly pushing her back. "Now please go back to your room and stop annoying me."

She pouts again, but turns around nonetheless, marching back to her room. He breathes out in relief, about to continue his walk downstairs when he hears the sound of the door opening followed by a loud voice.

"Well hello, Karl! It's so lovely to see you." he hears his mother say, and Sapnap mutters another curse as he continues walking down the stairs.

"Hi, Maria," he hears Karl respond with as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, walking silently to the front entrance where the two are stood. "And hi to you too, Sandy," Karl says, bending over to pet Sapnap's dog.

His mom is rattling on about how long it's been since she's last seen him, and Karl is nodding along, smiling and laughing at all the right moments, his hand still on the dog. It almost makes him smile, in some horribly domestic way, seeing Karl and his mom interact so easily. It was nothing like the way Carrie talked with his mom, all fake and forced.

His presence seems to have gotten Karl's attention, as his gaze leaves Sapnap's mother for a second and lands on Sapnap instead. His smile brightens, but his eyes move back to Sapnap's mother, laughing at something she said.

Sapnap clears his throat, causing his mother to turn around in the middle of her story. "Oh, there you are!" she says, smile widening. "You didn't tell me Karl was coming over."

Sapnap just looks between her and Karl. "I said I was gonna get the door, mom." he says, pointedly giving her an unamused stare.

"Oh, you'll live," she responds, getting a small giggle out of Karl. "So what are you two up to this afternoon?" she asks, turning back towards Karl.

"Uh..." Karl mumbles out, looking over at him as he scrambles to come up with an answer.

"We have a chemistry project, that's all," Sapnap butts in, saving them from any awkward silences. Karl nods along eagerly, and Sapnap grabs onto his hand, pulling him toward the stairs.

"We're gonna be in my room now," he tells her, climbing up the stairs without giving her time to say anything else.

"Bye!" Karl says happily, and Sapnap would've rolled his eyes at the other's cheerfulness if he wasn't so enamored by it.

They make their way to his room, and right as Sapnap opens the door to go inside, his sister emerges into the hallway, Huggy still clutched tightly in her hands.

"Karl!" she yells excitedly, running over to give him a hug. Karl accepts it graciously, returning her enthusiasm with a "Kara! How you been?"

"Good," Kara giggles out, looking up at Karl with adoration in her eyes. Again he's reminded of the stark contrast between Karl and Carrie's dynamic with his family. There's some form of irony there, he's sure, some parallel to the way he really feels about both of them, but he doesn't dwell on it.

"Leave us alone, Kara." Sapnap says, walking into his room. Kara dejectedly detaches from Karl, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

Sapnap rolls his eyes at them, but Karl bends down, pats her head and says, "Don't worry, we can hang out later, when your stinky brother is gone."

She lights up at that, eagerly bouncing up and down on her toes. Sapnap thinks she was probably just as excited as he was at the idea of getting to hang out with Karl. He ignores the comment directed at him, though, and watches as Kara happily skips back to her room.

With her gone, Karl enters into Sapnap's room and instantly flops onto his bed, taking no time to get comfortable. Sapnap closes the door behind him and leans against it, arms crossed.

"Care to join?" Karl asks him, wiggling his body to the right side of the bed, leaving a large open gap for Sapnap. He nods, but he doesn't sit down right away. He was pretty content to just stand there and look at Karl sprawled out in his big bed, all happy and content, only for Sapnap to see. He didn't get it often, so now that he did, he wants to savor it.

Karl stretches his arms out towards Sapnap, making grabby hands with a big grin on his face and a light blush on his cheeks. He's wearing the same outfit he was wearing earlier today at school: his small frame engulfed in a large brown T-shirt, light blue jeans hugging his legs. His hair is a mess, curled and sticking out in the back, and Sapnap thinks back to this morning when his hands were running through the soft locks.

_He's too pretty like this_ , Sapnap thinks, making his way to the bed. _He should not be this pretty._

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he turns to face Karl, bringing up one of his hands to intertwine with the other's. A contented hum leaves Karl's mouth as they squish their hands together, and before Sapnap can say anything, Karl yanks at their hands and brings Sapnap down onto the bed, body crashing against Karl's as the bed creaks under his weight.

He watches Karl stifle a laugh, and Sapnap can't help but grin back at him, moving his head across the pillows to plant a small kiss on Karl's nose. Karl brings a hand up to cover his mouth as he lets out a small giggle.

"Why do you cover your face when you laugh?" Sapnap asks lightly, hand coming up past Karl's shoulders and into his hair, gently running his fingers through the softness. Ever since he left Karl alone in the bathroom he's been craving the feeling. 

Karl looks to the side, eyes on the mattress under him as his smile falls from his face. "I don't look good when I laugh." he mutters.

Sapnap furrows his brows at that. "Okay, well that's bullshit."

Karl rolls his eyes, but Sapnap doesn't miss the way the end of his lips quirk upwards, or the way he scoots his head closer to Sapnap's. They lay in silence for a few moments, and he feels incredibly relaxed just by the steadiness of Karl's chest as he breathes. He can't take his eyes off of the boy in front of him -- the gleam in his eyes, the sweater paws around his hands, the freckles on his nose -- all there, begging to be watched.

"Finally, I have you all to myself," Karl whispers to him, hot breath warming the space between them.

"You always have me." Sapnap responds, instantly cringing, not meaning it to sound as sappy as it did. Karl raises an eyebrow at him, although his large smile from before is back on his face.

"I bet you say that to all the girls." he jokes, and Sapnap just chuckles and shakes his head in response, not willing to stall any longer.

"Let's not talk about anyone else, yeah?" he mumbles, using the hand still in the back of Karl's hair to push him closer, lips forcefully connecting with the other's. The light gasp that Karl lets out makes Sapnap smile into the kiss, the hand in Karl's hair moving down to hold his cheek. He feels Karl lean into the touch, and he moves his thumb over one of Karl's freckles that he had been looking at earlier.

The force they had started the kiss with slowly dissipates into softness, a tenderness that makes Sapnap feel fuzzy all over. He pulls back for a second, eyes opening only a couple of inches from Karl's. Karl opens his eyes as well, a tiny confused glance as to why they stopped. Sapnap doesn't say anything, because he doesn't know how to put into words that he needs to remember every single thing about this moment, down to the look in Karl's eyes and the feeling of their legs against each other.

He can't help but think about how different kissing Karl felt compared to Carrie. When he kissed her, he felt hollow, like the butterflies that were supposed to erupt in his chest had died. He should feel something, he knows he should, but he just doesn't. She didn't light a spark in him. She didn't have impossibly bright eyes and a toothy grin that made Sapnap's insides flop around.

He watches Karl bite his lip as his eyes move down to Sapnap's lips and back up to meet his gaze. There's those bright eyes again, a mischievous glint adorning them. Sapnap swallows thickly, eyebrow quirked at Karl's suggestive manner.

Before Sapnap can make another move, Karl is removing himself from his grasp, sitting up on his bed.

"So, chemistry project?" Karl asks innocently, hands coming down to tap on his crossed legs.

Sapnap groans at him from his position on the bed, kicking at the other boy with his left leg. "We're not even partners for it, dumbass."

Karl scoffs, head tilting down towards Sapnap. "So you're telling me," he says, exaggerating his facial expressions in a mock shock, "that you didn't invite me over to do chemistry?"

Sapnap rolls his eyes as Karl places his hand on his forehead, pretending to faint.

"You wound me, Sap," he states, and Sapnap smiles at the nickname. Karl used it more than anyone else he knows. "What, did you expect us to just make out the whole time?"

"Yup," Sapnap responds, "but oh well."

He ignores Karl's dubious stare and turns over in his bed, grabbing his phone from where he had previously left it. He unlocks it, sees that Instagram is still up and rolling, and decides to quickly finish scrolling through it, just to spite the other.

"Woah, woah, woah," Karl says from behind him, voice getting louder as he moves closer to him. "Instagram? Really?"

Sapnap shrugs, clicking onto his own profile to look at his most recent post. It's got a decent amount of likes now, and he goes into the comments to finish responding to the majority of the people who commented.

Karl lets out a small whine behind him. "Sap," he says, propping his arms on Sapnap's back, "really? You'd rather look at your own posts instead of me?"

Sapnap turns to look at his exaggerated saddened face. He gives him an indifferent look, turning back to his phone. "You know, I don't think you commented on this one..." he says, frowning as he continues reading the comments. "Yeah, you definitely didn't."

He clicks his tongue disapprovingly, head shaking as he feels Karl lay his head down on his back. "What was I supposed to comment, huh? 'Oh Sapnap, you beautiful devil, you're so gorgeous!'" Karl says, voice rising as he imitates himself. Sapnap nods seriously, smile forming on his lips as he comes up with an idea.

He exits out of his own profile and goes to the search bar, quickly typing in Karl's username and clicking on his profile once it shows up.

"Sap, what are you doing..." Karl questions, face moving to come next to Sapnap's. He ignores the comment, clicking on the most recent post — a selfie of him looking at the camera with a large grin and a lazy peace sign held up next to him. He looks incredibly comfortable, sporting a light blue hoodie that Sapnap soon realizes is _his_ , a fact that shouldn't be nearly as endearing as it is. He instantly likes the post, surprised that he hadn't done so earlier, and continues to stare at the beauty that was Karl in his clothes.

"Aw, look how pretty you are, baby," Sapnap coos, turning his head to the right to lock eyes with the other. Karl looks flustered at the statement, mumbling out something incoherent in response as his cheeks grow red. Sapnap turns back to the photo, zooming in on the hoodie. "That's mine, yeah?" he asks, already knowing that it definitely was. He feels Karl nod to the right of him, and Sapnap leans his head onto Karl's shoulder, clicking on the comment section.

"I'm gonna comment," he says, matter-of-factly, "because _I'm_ a good boyfriend."

Karl shoots his hand onto Sapnap's screen, blocking Sapnap from being able to go any further. "You will _not_." Karl practically screeches, looking at Sapnap with wide eyes. "Are you trying to out us?"

Sapnap snorts, trying to tug the phone away from Karl's grasp. "No," he responds, "I'm just being a good boyfriend!"

Karl tugs on the phone as well, and Sapnap smiles, tugging even harder, laughing as Karl's body is pulled forward from the force. Karl smiles as well, situating himself back to his previous position before using his whole body to pull the phone towards him. Because Sapnap is laying on his stomach, Karl's efforts don't do much, and Sapnap's body is only moved slightly toward the other.

Karl frowns and tries pulling again, and this time Sapnap lets go of it, turning around onto his back while Karl almost falls out of the bed from his loss of balance. Sapnap brings his head to lay against his headboard as Karl regains his balance and victoriously holds the phone in one hand.

"Aha!" he yells, placing a hand on his hip and holding the phone up in the air as if it's some sort of trophy. Sapnap raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his head at his ridiculousness.

Karl sticks his tongue out at him. "You're just mad you lost," he tells him, shoving the phone in front of his face as proof that he was the winner of their game.

Instead of responding Sapnap quickly grabs onto the phone, thinking that Karl's grip would be loose. Unfortunately, Karl's hand is still wrapped tightly around the object, so when Sapnap pulls at it, Karl comes toppling on top of him, head merely inches away from bumping into his own.

Karl looks up at him with wide eyes, his body practically straddling Sapnap's in their new position. Sapnap smirks at him, moving his head closer to Karl's so that their noses slightly touch. Karl's startled expression turns soft as Sapnap shakes his head, nuzzling his nose against the other's.

Karl smiles lazily, moving his own nose against Sapnap's as well. Sapnap notices his hand on the phone has largely loosened at his relaxed state, and he takes the opportunity to snatch the phone away from him, holding it to the side of his face with a taunting smile.

"I win," he whispers, cherishing the way the smile comically falls from Karl's face, eyes looking from the phone and back to Sapnap. He pouts up at him, and Sapnap is almost tempted to hand it back, but instead he chooses to place the phone on the bedsheets next to him, ignoring it altogether.

"You're not gonna comment?" Karl asks, hand moving to sit atop of Sapnap's chest, fingers dancing across the fabric. Sapnap shakes his head silently, bringing one of his hands on top of Karl's. They both look down and watch as their fingers become intertwined, and when Sapnap looks back up into Karl's eyes, there's a suggestive undertone hinted in his brown eyes that overshadows the sweet hand holding gesture.

"If I remember correctly," Karl starts, moving their interlocked hands to their sides, body moving farther up Sapnap's, "we were in the middle of something before you rudely went on your phone."

"Don't act all innocent here," Sapnap responds, letting Karl clumsily move his body above his own. "You were the one who left me hanging with that chemistry project bullshit."

Karl is basically sitting in his lap now, legs on either side of Sapnap's hips and one hand on the headboard next to his face. He's waiting for Karl to get closer and close the gap between them, but Karl stalls for a bit longer, head tilting from side to side.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Karl says, taking his hand out of Sapnap's hold and bringing his pointer finger to sit on Sapnap's chin. Sapnap looks at the finger and back up at him, smiling slightly.

"Go on, then," is all he says, waiting as Karl giggles before bending down to capture Sapnap's lips in his, the finger on his chin moving to cup his face while Karl's other hand comes wrapping around his neck. Sapnap grins into the kiss as he moves his hands around Karl's waist, pulling him closer.

Karl's hands on the back of his neck are sending jolts of electricity throughout his body, and as much as he loves kissing Karl, as much as he loves tugging on the other boy's bottom lip and exploring his open mouth, he needs more. Karl has been on his mind all day — the way he looked up at him from the ground of the dirty bathroom, his hair stuck to his sweaty forehead as he sucked him off; he's indulged himself in every detail while Karl was away.

But this is now, and this feels even _better_ because they have no restrictions, no cramped stall or invasion of privacy at any moment. It's them, together yet alone in his own bedroom, and although his parents are right downstairs, he can't find himself giving a shit, not when Karl's body is so close against his.

Karl lets out a particularly high-pitched whimper as Sapnap bites harshly on his lip, and it's the sound alone that causes Sapnap to push Karl off of him, hands staying on Karl's shoulders as he lets them both breathe.

"Sap," Karl breathes out, and Sapnap gulps as he watches Karl's eyes roam around his face, a hungry look that Sapnap is sure he's mirroring.

"You're so fucking pretty, Jacobs," Sapnap says, because it's all he can think to say. It's the only thought racing around his mind right now — how pretty this boy sitting in front of him is, and how lucky he is to have him.

Karl tries to bite back a smile, but Sapnap won't let him, coming up to quickly plant another small kiss against the other's lips. As Sapnap pulls away, he sees Karl watch him with wide eyes, a cute, determined look on his face.

He starts to slowly move down, hands tracing Sapnap's thighs as he lowers himself to the edge of the bed. Sapnap watches as Karl gives him a sultry look while he starts playing with the strings on Sapnap's sweatpants -- a simple invitation.

Before Sapnap can nod eagerly (because who was he to decline head from someone who was looking at him like _that?_ ), there's a knock on his door, followed by the sound of his sister's whiny voice:

"Sapnap, why is your door locked? You know mom said we can't lock our doors!"

Sapnap's heart beat almost stops at the sudden noise before he sighs exasperatedly, head banging against his headboard in frustration.

"None of your business, Kara! Piss off," he yells to the door, head turning to look back at Karl who has a hand covering his mouth to stop himself from laughing loudly. Sapnap rolls his eyes, although the edge of his mouth curves upwards as Karl moves his head into one of Sapnap's legs in another attempt to stop his laugher.

"You cant say that, I'm telling!" he hears Kara shout as the sound of her stomped foot carries into his room. "Besides, mom told me to tell you that Carrie was here, so it is my business!"

At that, Karl's head instantly shoots upward, all laughter from his face completely gone, a concerned expression taking its place.

"Carrie?" he whispers to Sapnap, and Sapnap has no fucking clue what she could be doing here, so he just shrugs, carefully getting out of the bed and moving towards the door.

He unlocks it and opens it slightly, expecting to only see Kara. When he sees Carrie, his girlfriend, standing impatiently next to the small girl, a distasteful look on her face, he thinks he might be wearing the same look at he stares at her in surprise.

"Carrie?" he asks, loud enough to hopefully alert the boy that was currently wrapped around his bedsheets. "What are you doing here?"

Her annoyed expression becomes offended at his insolent tone of voice, and he doesn't even have the mental capacity to care, because what the actual _hell_ is she doing here?

"Can I come in?" she asks, sending a sideways glance to his little sister. "I don't need to be escorted anymore."

His little sister huffs dramatically and turns around, walking back to her room and leaving the two alone. Sapnap nods, opening his door farther to let Carrie walk in.

He follows after her, and to his relief his room is completely empty, his bed unmade and messy standing alone in the middle. Karl's probably hiding in his closet or something, he guesses, and although hiding is probably unnecessary, Sapnap is just relieved that he doesn't have to explain to Carrie why he blowed her off to hang out with him.

Carrie quickly moves to his bed, sitting down on it with a huff and crossed arms. He doesn't sit next to her, instead choosing to stand a few feet away.

"Carrie, I literally told you I couldn't hang with you today." he says, not attempting to hide his anger. Right now, he was supposed to be laying in bed with Karl, snuggled up with the other as he played with his hair and kissed his jaw. He was not supposed to be having to deal with Carrie's bullshit.

"You didn't even tell me why!" she scoffs, chin turned upwards. "I just assumed you had something important to do, or football practice, but obviously that's not the case."

He rolls his eyes at that, bringing a hand through his hair as he tries to control himself from lashing out. Sometimes, he has to remind himself that she's technically his girlfriend, and he's technically supposed to love her.

Sometimes, though, she makes it so unbearably hard.

"I don't have to explain everything I do to you!" he retaliates, arms crossing across his chest. "You act so entitled, sometimes, god."

She looks hurt by the statement, her gentle features overcome with a large and pitiful frown. Sapnap instantly feels guilty, not wanting to actually make her feel bad.

"Do you just not want to be around me, Sapnap?" she asks, eyes looking up to meet his. He wants to punch something, slam his fist into a pillow and rid himself of the guilt that suddenly made its way into his chest.

Instead, he moves to sit next to her, one arm coming around her shoulder and the other patting reassuringly on her thigh.

"Of course not," he sighs out, trying to smile as she turns her head toward him. When she still doesn't look convinced, he nudges her softly.

"Look, the reason I can't hang is because I'm working on a chemistry project with some kid in my class. He's coming over in like..." he trails off, pulling out his phone to pretend to check the time, "thirty minutes." He puts his phone away, turning back to look her in the eyes.

"You know I'd never ditch on you if I could help it," he says, trying to convince her along with himself. He hopes it doesn't sound as awkward and forced as it feels.

Carrie still seems a bit upset, but the situation is definitely more controlled now, her expression more neutral, so Sapnap thinks he probably did a good enough job.

"Who is it with? Anyone I know?" she asks, tone hinted with a bit of annoyance. He thinks her annoyance is inevitable at this point, and if anything, he's just as annoyed with her.

"Karl." he says, because it's really the only name rattling around his brain right now. Karl, Karl, Karl. Karl in his light blue hoodie, holding up a peace sign.

Carrie hums, one of her hands coming up to massage her forehead, as if she's getting a migraine. "Yeah, your mom mentioned his name, I think."

Sapnap nods awkwardly, scratching the side of his head. He's not sure what else to say, or how he could talk more about Karl without hinting to the fact that he adored him, or that he was literally in the room with them.

Carrie leans her head on his shoulder, trying for a smile as she looks up at him.

"You love me, right, Sap?"

He feels like a deer caught in headlights at her words, unable to look her back in the eyes. For some reason, when she called him by that nickname it felt wrong, like she was stealing something from him and Karl. But he finds himself nodding nonetheless.

"Yeah, of course." he says lamely. She still doesn't look convinced, and Sapnap really doesn't know how else to get her to leave without convincing her, so he leans in to give her a kiss. He feels her smile against his lips, and as guilty as he feels, he's just happy that she isn't mad anymore.

She's the one to pull away first, and when Sapnap opens his eyes, the smile on her lips is still there, taunting Sapnap and all of his bad decisions.

"You'll come over to my house tomorrow then, huh?" She asks smugly, hand twirling around her hair. Sapnap barely registers what she says, but he nods anyway. His hands are itching to get back to Karl.

Finally she stands back up, walking over to his door. "Wanna escort me out?" she asks, turning to open the door. Before he can say 'hell no', he hears Carrie squeak in surprise as she opens the door, Kara standing in the doorframe, Huggy in hand.

"I'll do it," Kara says confidently, sending a smile towards Sapnap. He's never been so thankful for her unwelcome presence, and he can't help but smile in return, biting back laughter at Carrie's upset face. Carrie looks back at him, and he simply shrugs. She sighs but agrees, and soon enough the two are making their way out of his room. 

Sapnap doesn't even get up to close the door. He just falls backward onto his bed, feet dangling over the edge.

"Karl?" he asks tentatively, unsure about the whereabouts of the other boy. When there's no response, he gets up warily, walking over to his bathroom to look for him in there.

As he peeks in, he hears a small voice coming from behind his bed. "I'm here, Sap,"

He turns to the voice and finds Karl on the floor, back up against the bed. He's wiping at his eyes as if he's been crying, and Sapnap realizes in horror that he has been, tear-stained eyes surrounded by reddened skin that formed from rubbing them.

"Karl, what-" he cuts himself off, walking back over to where Karl is situated, joining him on the floor. "What's wrong?"

Karl won't even look at him, keeping his face hidden by his hands. "Nothing," he says, but the way his voice cracks proves the opposite. "I just," he starts, setting his hands in his lap, looking over at Sapnap with an empty smile, eyes still wet, "sometimes I forget that I'm just 'a kid from chemistry class,' to you, you know?"

Sapnap hates himself so much, hates how the careless words that come out of his mouth have such an impact on Karl. He shakes his head adamantly. "That's not true at all, you know that." he says, taking one of Karl's hands from his lap and into his own.

Karl shakes his head and looks in front of him, eyes misty. "It might as well be," he sniffs out, and _fuck_ , this is not what Sapnap had in mind for this afternoon in the slightest. He wants to blame Carrie, but he knows part of it is also his own fault.

"I'm sorry, Karl." he confesses, still looking at the other even though Karl had his face trained forward, a neutral expression other than the tears in his eyes. "You gotta understand that Carrie means nothing to me, okay? She has nothing on you, I promise, baby."

Karl nods wordlessly, and Sapnap isn't sure if he really believes him, but he doesn't know how else to say it. He means it wholeheartedly — Karl was everything to him. Just locking eyes with him in the hallway is enough to make Sapnap have a good day, and he thinks kissing him might be his favorite thing in the world. Sapnap is in love with everything about him, and Karl doesn't even realize.

He turns Karl's shoulder so that Karl is forced to face him. He's finally getting a good look at him: his tear-stained cheeks, his quivering lip. He looks like a mess, and Sapnap is hit with the overwhelming urge to have him in his arms.

So, he does. He wraps his arms all the way around Karl's back and pulls him forward, and Karl immediately latches onto him, head coming into Sapnap's chest. It's comforting, being able to stroke Karl's messy hair and rub circles into his back. He's not sure if Karl is still crying or not, but his breath against Sapnap's chest seems to get steadier.

"You said you loved her," Karl whispers, barely audible and muffled by Sapnap's clothes.

Sapnap sighs, continuing his slow strokes through Karl's hair. "I don't, though," he says, "I love you. Only you."

Karl moves his face out of his chest and looks up at him, and Sapnap is relieved to see that he has the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. "How do I know you're not lying to me?"

Sapnap smiles back down at him, finger coming down to poke his nose and elicit a small giggle out of Karl. "I could never lie to you, even if I wanted to."

Karl smiles again before moving his head back into Sapnap's chest, tightening his hold around Sapnap's neck as he embraces him. Sapnap smiles to himself and hugs Karl back, holding him close.

"Hey," he says suddenly, disrupting the peace that had settled between them. Karl looks up at him expectantly. "Wanna sleep over tonight?"

Karl looks caught off guard. "Huh?"

Sapnap rolls his eyes in a mock annoyance. "Did I stutter?"

"We have school tomorrow, though..." Karl says, trailing off as if Sapnap had somehow forgotten.

"Yeah, I know that," Sapnap says, using one of his hands to move the hair out of Karl's eyes. "But you haven't slept over in forever, and I just wanna, like, wake up next to you and all..."

He feels embarrassed at his own words, but the way Karl's face lights up makes up for it. He nods happily, and Sapnap is so glad to see him so joyful again.

"Oh, I don't have any clothes for tomorrow, though." Karl says, furrowing his brows at the thought. Sapnap hums for a moment before getting an idea.

"Wear mine," he says, already growing excited at the idea of seeing Karl in the hallways wearing _his_ clothes.

Karl's eyes go wide, but he doesn't reject the idea. "Really? People won't... notice?"

Sapnap shrugs, not really thinking about anyone else. He doesn't care if someone catches on, he'll deal with that later. He's too busy imagining Karl wearing his favorite black T-shirt and one of his several pairs of sweatpants. It's an enchanting idea.

"I doubt anyone will care," he says, eyes moving back down to Karl's. "So, what do you say? Sleepover?"

Karl is grinning, and he doesn't even have to say anything, because Sapnap can tell just from his bright expression that it's a yes.

He ends up not saying anything at all, confirming Sapnap's question with a small kiss to the edge of his mouth, pulling away with bubbling laughter. Sapnap is laughing too at how freaking cute Karl is, and he quickly plants a kiss onto the other's forehead in response.

Karl is looking up at him with gleeful eyes, biting his lip shyly, and Sapnap can't imagine wanting anything other than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda wanna write more from this universe ... lol just like a bunch of one shots??? maybe??


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically just how karl and sap met and how they sort of got together :D this is extremely self indulgent and full of fluff i hope u like 
> 
> (also some background dreamnotfound bc.. i am only human)
> 
> (alsooo half of this is me projecting onto karl bc wtf is chemistry and why is that shit so hard)

Karl wishes he understood anything they learned in this goddamn class.

Chemistry, the one class in his schedule that he couldn't seem to quite wrap his head around, was seriously fucking up his life at the moment. He doesn't know why the teacher's words seem to bounce off of his head rather than get absorbed, but that's just how it's been from the beginning. Even when they were learning the simple stuff, like the difference between physical and chemical properties, Karl's been struggling.

Thankfully he has George sitting next to him, an acquaintance of his who seems to be a nerd for everything science related. His partnership with Karl during labs is really the only reason Karl has a high B in the class, which he thanks George for by making the class entertaining with his lively attitude.

Today George is late, though, and Karl is starting to get worried. He's pretty sure they're doing a lab today, if the beakers and goggles on the table are any indication, and he needs George's presence immensely. There's no way he could do anything in this class on his own, but if his lab partner wasn't here, then what other choice would he have?

When the bell rings, Karl is on the edge of his seat, legs bouncing in an expression of the nervous feeling in his stomach. The teacher is in the front of the room, scrolling some of the lab instructions onto the whiteboard in a light blue color that Karl could barely see from his seat in the back of the classroom. He keeps turning back to the door behind him to see if George is there, but so far the doorway remains empty; no sign of George in sight.

He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, eyes roaming the room in front of him. Everyone else was here today, all of the desks filled except for the one next to him. Most of the students are sitting silently and waiting for Mr. Anderson, their chemistry teacher, to greet the class, but his back is still facing them.

Karl takes advantage of this and whips out his phone, hiding it behind the binder on his desk. He pulls up his messaging app and sends a quick text to George, promptly asking where the _fuck_ he was.

Just as he sends the message, a loud crash erupts from the front left side of the room, followed by two loud laughters. Karl peers over several heads in front of him and sees that a beaker holding a clear liquid is in pieces on the floor, glass shattered and a small puddle of whatever the substance was surrounding it.

The two boys at the table that caused the mess are laughing hysterically, shoving and blaming each other for the fallen object. Karl might've joined in on the laughter if not for the menacing glare on Mr. Anderson's face as he turns to face them.

"Sapnap," Mr. Anderson says angrily, and Karl wonders why he wasn't addressing the other boy. "What did you _do_?"

The boy, Sapnap, who Karl has definitely seen before in some of his other classes, doesn't even try to act sorry, a large smile on his lips. Karl is impressed with the confidence, if anything.

"I didn't do shit," Sapnap says, shoving the other guy next to him. "It was Dream's fault!"

The guy next to him, Dream, rolls his eyes dramatically. "Oh, come on now."

Mr. Anderson looks like he's going to pop a blood vessel, much to Karl's amusement. It's not like this is the first time Dream and Sapnap have been obnoxiously loud and reckless in this class, but their teacher usually lets them off with a warning. This time is different, Karl guesses, due to the glass shatters on the floor.

Sapnap ignores the teacher though, eyes trained on Dream, still smiling widely. "Dude, you were the one who shoved it on the floor!"

Dream is laughing as well now, leaning back in his chair and raising his hands exasperatedly. "Because you pushed me!"

"Gentlemen, that is enough." Mr. Anderson finally butts in, eyes moving between the two boys. "Dream, clean up the mess that you two caused."

Sapnap smirks at the statement and softly pats Dream's shoulder in a fake sympathy while the other boy groans in frustration.

"And Sapnap, you'll be moving seats. You and Dream are incredibly disruptive together."

The smirk falls from Sapnap's face, and Karl almost lets out a laugh as he sputters out an objection. Mr. Anderson isn't listening though, and Karl watches in horror as the teacher's eyes land on George's empty seat beside him, and _oh god please no._

"Sapnap, go sit next to Karl. You'll complete the lab with him today."

"Oh, this is George's seat, though..." Karl pipes up, trying to save them both from the horrible awkwardness that would follow. Sapnap looks over at him and then back at their teacher, nodding in agreement.

"It doesn't look like George is here today, so it should be fine." Mr. Anderson states plainly, and Karl nods in resignation.

At least he's not doing the lab by himself?

Karl tries to swallow down the panic that might be present on his face and briefly looks at Sapnap, watching as he packs up his stuff and glares at his friend, Dream, who is laughing from his spot on the floor.

The quietness of the classroom is painfully evident when Sapnap makes his way to where Karl is sitting. He awkwardly places his backpack on the ground and pulls out George's chair, cringing at the loud screech it makes against the floor.

Karl doesn't know what to do with himself, doesn't know if he should acknowledge the other boy or just ignore him.

After a few beats of silence while Sapnap is situating himself in his chair, Karl spares a glance over at him, smiling lightly in politeness despite his jumbled thoughts.

"Hey, sorry about that. I tried my best." he ends up saying, leaning slightly closer to Sapnap as he says it, arms crossed on the desk. Sapnap takes a second to register his words before the smallest hint of a smile takes over his lips.

"No problem, dude, it's good." he says, turning back to face the front of the room. Karl feels happy with the small conversation, pleased with himself for saying something. It'll make things less awkward when they actually have to work together, he reasons.

Over the next several minutes, Mr. Anderson explains the lab procedures to them, and Karl is trying really hard to pay attention (because he doubts Sapnap will be as much help as George was). It's just hard when he has this new presence to the left of him, casually cracking his knuckles and tapping his feet. It's distracting, but weirdly Karl isn't even that annoyed, having given up on listening to the instructions halfway through anyway.

Suddenly their teacher stops talking and the pairs around the room get to work, pulling out safety goggles and lighters and empty beakers, and Karl and Sapnap are just staring at each other, uncertain looks on both of their faces.

"Dream usually does this kind of stuff," Sapnap mutters when neither of them make the first move. He looks at Karl helplessly, and although Karl's not sure what's going on, he starts moving the stuff around on the table in front of them.

"Yeah, George does all of the science-y stuff for me too." Karl says, eyes trained on the beaker he's getting ready to fill with that clear substance that he still doesn't know the name of. "But, we can try and mush our scattered brain cells together to come up with something."

Sapnap lets out a light laugh at that and nods, moving his hands to grab one of the safety goggles on their desk. He hands a pair to Karl and grabs another for himself, and Karl tries not to get too excited that Sapnap is willingly participating with him.

He quietly thanks him and starts pouring the liquid into the beaker in front of him, still distracted by Sapnap's gaze on him.

"It's supposed to be fifty milliliters, dude," Sapnap says, bringing his face down to line up with the beaker.

"Oh, oops." Karl mumbles, tilting his head to read that he had accidentally overfilled the beaker up to seventy-five milliliters instead. He gets out of his seat with the beaker in his hand, moving over to the sink in the corner of the room to pour some of the liquid out. Right as he reaches it, none other than George himself comes running into the room.

He's panting and out of breath, a couple of books held lazily in one hand, and Karl sends him a glare when he looks over at him.

"Sorry I'm late..." George says, eyes shifting from Karl to Sapnap, who is sitting in his seat. Karl just shakes his head at him before dramatically turning back to the sink, face upturned in disapproval.

"It's fine, George, you can work with Dream since he doesn't have a partner anymore." Mr. Anderson tells him from across the room, and George looks mildly confused as he cautiously walks toward the front where Dream is waiting, looking weirdly excited at his arrival.

Karl watches George sit down in Sapnap's old seat and greet the boy in front of him in an exchange that's overall less awkward than Karl expected, seeing as the two had never interacted before (to his knowledge, at least). His gaze moves over to Sapnap, who is leaning back in his chair with his phone under the desk, scrolling through Snapchat.

Karl sighs, shaking his head slightly. _It's just one lab_ , Karl thinks, _I can handle myself for one lab._

_—_

Monday rolls around way too quickly, and somehow Karl finds himself back in chemistry. Thankfully, this time George is here next to him, helping him cram for the short quiz they had today.

Despite George's best efforts, though, Karl finds his thoughts drifting away from the content and back to last week.

"How was doing the lab with Dream?" he asks, eyes on George as the other boy flips through their notes.

George looks up at him for a second before his eyes go back to the pages he's reading, and Karl swears he sees his face redden.

"Oh, ya know..." he trails off, still not meeting Karl's gaze, "it was fine."

Karl quirks an eyebrow at his newly flustered state. "Fine? He's like, incredibly intimating and stuff."

George just shrugs, turning his head behind him to where Dream is sitting. "I don't think so," he says, sighing deeply before turning back to face him, "now Karl, how can you tell the electronegativity of an element?"

Karl lets out a groan, bringing his head into his hands. "Don't know, don't care. I'm just gonna cheat off of you, anyway."

George scoffs and shakes his head, but he doesn't protest against Karl's words. "Well, you're wrong. It's actually-"

His words are cut off by the sound of books being thrown onto their desk, and Karl looks up at the noise to see Sapnap standing there, just behind George. If Karl thought Dream was intimidating, it was nothing compared to Sapnap right now, all broad shoulders and apathetic expressions.

"This is my seat." Sapnap states, eyeing George and completely ignoring Karl altogether.

"Oh, I thought that was a one time thing..." George says, trailing off and looking at Sapnap expectantly. The other boy just shrugs, not moving. George looks over at Karl, a questioning look on his face.

It doesn't look like Sapnap planned on going back to his original seat, so Karl just motions for George to get up, trying to convey with a smile that he would be fine. George hesitantly moves out of his seat, sending one last glance to Karl before walking away, notes in hand. Karl tries to control the smile creeping on his face as Sapnap sits down next to him.

The idea that Sapnap wanted to sit next to him again rather than Dream was doing something to his insides, making his stomach do weird little flips. Sapnap definitely could've gotten away with sitting next to Dream today; it's not like Mr. Anderson would've even remembered. Karl is pretty sure Sapnap and Dream were split up once before, with Sapnap being forced to sit next to some girl in the class. It only lasted a day, though, and no one said anything when Sapnap and Dream were sitting together again the day after.

So, yeah, Karl was feeling kinda special.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to steal you away from your friend," Sapnap says, eyes cast downward as he unpacks his backpack. Before Karl can vocalize that he's fine with it, almost happy even, Sapnap is shooting him down. "Dream wanted to sit next to George, so..."

Karl is so busy feeling upset at the fact that Sapnap hadn't, in fact, chosen to sit next to him that he doesn't question the bizarre meaning behind the second-half of his statement. He just nods, a weak smile on his face.

"Nah, it's cool." he says. "I mean, without George here, I'm probably most definitely going to fail this quiz, but like, it's whatever."

Sapnap turns his head to him, a startled expression on his face. "Quiz?"

Karl brings a hand to his mouth, laughing into his palm at Sapnap's frantic face. "Nimrod," he mumbles, not meaning for the other boy to hear. Sapnap does though, a large, genuine smile etching over his face as he watches Karl try to hold back another laugh.

"I'm so screwed." he says, but the twinkle in his eyes tells Karl that he doesn't even really care.

"Feel free to cheat off of me," Karl says, after his laughter has died down, "although I don't really know what's going on in this class most of the time."

Sapnap snorts, nodding. "We'll do it together, yeah?"

Karl doesn't know why the idea of doing something "together" with the other boy is so enthralling to him, or why it makes his stomach do the weird little flip things again. But it does, and Karl thinks he probably needs more friends.

He nods eagerly, and soon enough Mr. Anderson is passing out their quiz papers, and Karl is feeling that irrational sense of dread that he always feels before an assessment. The mental doom is slightly placated by Sapnap's soft smile as he hands Karl his paper, but as Karl looks at the first question, he starts to feel more concerned.

He quickly scribbles out his name at the top of the paper and goes back to the first question, tilting his head as he tries to remember any of the information George told him.

A nudge to his shoulder makes him look up toward Sapnap, who has been trying to discreetly get his attention. Once Karl meets his gaze, Sapnap shields his mouth with a hand dramatically and whispers to Karl, "I think number one is B. Yeah?"

Karl smiles and quickly scans the paper again. Option B is seeming a lot more appealing, and he thinks George mentioned something about it before, so he looks back up at Sapnap and nods.

Sapnap smirks and turns back to his page, and Karl watches him shade in the bubble for B.

—

"You _need_ to come to one of my football games."

Karl's face scrunches up at Sapnap's statement. "Why would I do that?"

Mr. Anderson stopped lecturing to them ten minutes ago, giving them the twenty minutes left of the period to work on homework. Obviously, Sapnap and Karl weren't doing this, deciding to just talk instead.

Sapnap is standing in front of Karl, leaning one arm on their shared desk with his other hand throwing a football up and down. Karl is sitting sideways in his chair to face him, hands holding up his smiling face.

Sapnap scoffs, football coming down into his open hand. "Karl, please. You did not just say that."

Karl lets out a giggle at Sapnap's reaction and brings his hands over his mouth. "What?"

Sapnap rolls his eyes and looks to the side, but he's smiling when he turns back to him, body moving closer to Karl's. "This just proves my point, you don't know what you're missing out on!"

Sapnap places a hand on Karl's shoulder and Karl feels his face involuntarily flush at the contact. Sapnap doesn't seem to notice though, thankfully, as he continues his spiel about the necessity of watching a football game.

"It's like... a right of passage, or something. You need to do it at least once!" Sapnap says, and his piercing gaze is overwhelming Karl, so he just nods meekly.

"Besides," Sapnap says, removing his hand and leaning back, "I want you there. Imagine — me making the winning touchdown in the last minute, blowing kisses to you in the crowd as you scream my name— it'd be insane."

Sapnap's looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, and Karl feels like he can't even form any words. This sort of thing has been happening a lot recently — Sapnap jokingly saying something offhandedly and Karl getting weirdly affected by it. He's unsure what changed over the past month, where they turned from two acquaintances that were forced to sit next to each other into genuine friends, but Karl can't deny that he's so _so_ happy they did.

"Do you know how cliche you look right now? Throwing around a football while talking about the classic high school experience?" Karl manages out, thoughts going haywire at the idea of Sapnap blowing kisses to him. Sapnap sighs, placing the football onto their desk, giving Karl a pointed stare.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, I'll come." he says, butterflies erupting in his stomach as Sapnap's eyes light up, hands clapping together.

"Hell yeah, dude!" Sapnap says, hand coming over to ruffle Karl's hair affectionately. Karl lets him, head dipping down as he laughs, pretending to fight him off.

When he looks back up, Sapnap is swinging his backpack across his back, hand holding his football. "I promise I'll do extra good, just for you," he says, pointing at Karl, "Friday night, got it?" Karl nods adamantly, mentally committing the date to memory.

"I'm gonna tell Dream you're coming, he'll get George to come to." Sapnap says, starting to walk away, much to Karl's dismay. Karl gives him a thumbs up though, watching as he turns around and makes his way to Dream.

With Sapnap gone, Karl sighs and slumps his head on the desk in front of him. He knows it now — he's spectacularly fucked.

Karl gets crushes on people easily — it's just how it's always been. He doesn't think he's gone a day without finding himself smitten with someone in his life, whether that be a stranger in the hallway or a boy in his PE class. Usually it's no big deal; he thinks someone is cute and he fantasizes about them liking him back for a bit, but it's over the minute they're out of the room. It's small, unimportant, and it doesn't mean anything, because it's never real.

But Sapnap is different, as much as Karl hates to admit it. As cliche as it feels, Sapnap is different in the way that everything feels tangible, like when he reaches out to run his hands though Karl's hair.

It's being wanted, Karl thinks; everything boils down to that. It's Sapnap asking him to come to his football game just because he wants Karl there. It's Sapnap still sitting next to him, even after a month has gone by, even when both of their grades have been suffering. It's Sapnap choosing to be friends with him, choosing _him._

So of course Karl is going to say yes to him, no matter what he asks. And that's essentially why Karl is so utterly, inexcusably fucked.

The sound of a chair being pulled against the floor occurs to his left, and he looks up excitedly, thinking Sapnap might be back.

George is standing there, giving him an amused yet concerned look, and he tries to hide his disappointment.

"Hey, man." Karl says simply, eyes moving to the front of the room to where Dream and Sapnap are talking.

George follows his gaze and snorts, head turning back to Karl as he sits down. "Can't believe you agreed to going to a football game, just for Sapnap."

Karl lets out a grunt. "Being a simp is a lifestyle, I guess."

Karl hasn't outright told George that he's sort of maybe into Sapnap, but he doesn't really have to. George seems to understand, which Karl is really thankful for. He doesn't think he could take the humiliation of having to actually speak his feelings into existence.

George shrugs, turning away from Karl and facing Dream and Sapnap instead. "Yeah, well, you're causing me to waste away a Friday night at some football game, so maybe fix your lifestyle."

Karl raises an eyebrow at him, but George stays straight-faced, eyes on the two in the front. "You don't have to come if you don't want to," Karl says, although he would much rather George be there.

"No, I'm going." George quickly responds, finally turning his head back towards Karl, who is very perplexed at the sudden mood change.

"Someone's gotta stop you from embarrassing yourself," George adds, to which Karl rolls his eyes at.

"You're not one to judge, it's not like you've been to one before." he retorts.

George doesn't say anything, just smiles and looks down at his hands in his lap. Karl's eyes widen at the implication.

"What? You have? When?"

George laughs at his shock and doesn't answer any of the questions Karl asked. His eyes flicker towards the front of the room, to where Dream and Sapnap are sitting, before looking back at Karl.

"I know some people on the team, 's all." he states, and Karl is about to ask _who_ when the bell rings, and George quickly rises from his seat.

He's about to keep hounding on George until he breaks, but then Sapnap is walking over to him, football still dangling tantalizingly from his hand.

Karl lets George slip away with a grin and waits for Sapnap to approach him, giving him a small nod before they both make their way out of the door, side by side.

Sapnap is telling him about the team they're playing on Friday, and Karl is trying his best to pay attention, but all his brain can focus on is the feeling of Sapnap's side right against his in the crowded hallway, arm digging into his body.

"-yeah, we definitely should've won last time, but it's whatever." Sapnap finishes, and Karl nods along as if he had been hanging onto every word.

"Sounds enthralling," he says sarcastically, which just causes Sapnap to nudge his shoulder in response, making them even closer in contact.

They round up on room one hundred and twelve, Karl's sixth period class. The hallway is starting to empty, but Sapnap remains just as close to him as before.

"Thanks for walking me here, again," Karl tells him (because, yeah, Sapnap walks him to his classes some days, what the fuck). Sapnap nods, and the two just stand in front of the door for a second, smiling at each other.

"See ya later." Sapnap says, starting to walk away. "Don't forget! I better see you in the crowd!"

Karl is in over his head, he thinks, watching Sapnap walk backwards in the halls, bumping into a random underclassmen just to keep eye contact with Karl. He laughs as Sapnap mumbles out a half-assed apology to the kid, immediately looking back at Karl afterwards, eyebrows raised as he waits for a response.

"Duh, of course I'll be there, nimrod," Karl laughs out, hand moving to the doorframe of the room he's supposed to be in right now.

"I wanna see the number twenty-four on both of your cheeks, baby!" Sapnap says in response, laughing loudly in the almost empty hallway as he continues to walk backwards. Karl pretends like the pet name has no effect on him and sticks a tongue out at the other boy, walking into the room and away from Sapnap's stupidly charming antics.

_—_

There's still ten minutes left of the game when their team scores the "winning" touchdown.

It makes Karl want to laugh; the contrast between the reality of the football game to what Sapnap was describing to him less than a week ago. There were no high tensions, no last minute throws to save the game, none of the epic scenes that Karl had been promised.

Sapnap wasn't even the one to score the winning shot, like he had explained in detail to Karl back in chemistry. It was Dream, Sapnap's friend that Karl didn't really know much about (mainly because he was a bit afraid of him).

Next to him, George is standing up from his seat and cheering loudly at the goal, clapping along with the rest of the crowd.

Karl looks up at him like he's crazy, eyebrows raised at the other's happiness. "Since when did you care so much about football?"

George rolls his eyes at Karl's statement, still smiling widely at the scene in front of him. Instead of answering him, he points to a spot on the open football field, lightly yanking Karl's arm to bring him to his feet. Karl lets him, eyes traveling to where George is pointing, and sees Dream and Sapnap smiling and waving up at them, and goddamn it, Sapnap is literally blowing kisses.

Karl can't help the smile that erupts on his face, and he instantly joins in on the cheering, loudly clapping as he watches Sapnap dramatically bow.

"He's such an idiot," Karl says, starting to sit back down. George joins him, giving him an unamused side-eye that Karl rolls his eyes at, focusing his gaze back to the boys on the field.

The game ends without anything else really happening. Or, nothing Karl notices, at least. He's still a little unsure about the rules of the game, but there's no more touchdowns, so he chalks it up to an easy win for their team.

The people in the stands are starting to leave, so he and George join them, walking out of the bleachers and down to the fence on the edge of the field. They wander along the path until they reach the opening in the back of the stadium, where there aren't many people, and wait for Sapnap and Dream to meet them.

Sapnap is giving him a ride home, and they both agreed to meet each other here. George is joining him because, well, Karl is too chicken to go anywhere without him.

(George had originally declined, saying that he had "places to be," but once Karl told him that Dream would most likely be joining them, George seemed much more adamant on coming.)

They wait for several more minutes, George with his back against the fence and Karl standing in front of him. He's about to comment on how long it's taking them when he sees two figures silently approach them, Dream and Sapnap themselves, carrying large duffel bags that Karl assumes have something to do with football.

Before he can tell George, Sapnap is bringing a finger to his lips in a gesture that tells Karl to stay quiet. He does, although unsure as to why, and lets the two get closer without George's knowledge.

Dream picks up his pace, stealthily walking up to the part of the fence that George is leaning on. Karl tries to hide the smile on his face as Dream stands behind the other boy, hands coming up as if he's about to pounce on him. George sends him an apprehensive look, and as his mouth opens to say something, Dream quickly places his hands on the fence, rattling the chains and shouting, "Gotcha, George!"

George shouts in surprise and jumps from the fence, turning sharply on the offender, who is wheezing in laughter.

"That's not funny, Dream." George huffs out, arms crossed as he looks at the other boy in distaste. Karl expected George to be angrier, but even as he shakes his head disapprovingly at Dream, Karl gets the notion that he's really not mad at all.

"Aw, it definitely was." Dream says, laughter still evident in his voice. George mumbles out some response that Karl can't even make out, but apparently Dream can, because he's laughing even louder (is that even possible?) and grabbing onto George's arm, pulling him farther away from Karl and Sapnap and into the empty football field.

Karl hears George tell Dream to let go of him, but the lack of any real conviction in his tone assures Karl that he actually wants the opposite, which makes him laugh softly.

"They're like a couple, huh?" he says, smiling at the two dancing around each other in the field. Dream looks like he's trying to slow dance with the other, but George's struggle is making it look like a salsa dance instead.

Sapnap doesn't say anything in response, and when Karl turns to face him, he sees that Sapnap is already looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Ready to go?" Sapnap asks, and Karl nods, although he's unsure where the cold temperament came from. Did his loud mouth ruin the mood or something?

They walk in silence to Sapnap's car, and Karl can't help but look over at the other boy every other step. Sapnap was rarely quiet, especially when it was just them two on their own, and _especially_ after he had just won a football game.

There's practically no one in the parking lot anymore, and the sound of Sapnap's car door opening is eerily loud in the quiet atmosphere. Karl watches Sapnap hop into the driver's seat without another word, and he follows suit, carefully stepping into the passenger seat. It's his first time inside Sapnap's truck, and he quietly marvels at how clean it is.

From his seat he can see the whole football field in front of him, and he notices that George and Dream are still there, sitting together in the center.

He thinks about mentioning it to Sapnap, but the previous comment he made hangs in the air, still unanswered, so he leaves it alone.

Sapnap starts the engine and they head out into the dark skies, the bright shine from Karl's phone screen eluminating the inside of the car.

After a couple minutes of silence Sapnap turns on the radio, turning the knob until he finds something he likes. Karl is itching to say something, to somehow mend this awkwardness before they reach his house. He doesn't live far from the school, and in any minute they'll be taking the right turn that leads to his neighborhood.

"So how was it?" Sapnap asks, and Karl almost lets out a breath of relief. Finally, _something_.

"Honestly?" Karl asks, eyes looking at the ceiling of the car as he thinks. "I had a really good time."

Sapnap smiles at that, head turning to look at Karl for a brief second. "Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Karl repeats, nodding happily. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't really understand what was going on most of the time, but," Karl says, and Sapnap laughs at that, much to his delight, "it was a really cool experience. You and Dream did really good, too."

He can tell Sapnap is trying hard not to grin at the comment, and that just makes Karl want to compliment him further. "Like, I was insanely impressed with how fast you can run! And the way you can just tackle people without flinching? I could never."

Sapnap brings the truck to a stop at the red light and turns to face him briefly, letting out a small chuckle. "It's cute, cause you don't even know what you're talking about."

Karl feels like his head is spinning, and he exasperatedly falls back onto the seat.

"Okay, maybe I don't, but the sentiment still stands." he says, still watching Sapnap, who is now turning right through the light. "I couldn't take my eyes away from you on the field. It's like... you radiate confidence, or something. It's amazing to get to watch you in your element. Breathtaking, almost."

Sapnap pulls up to a stop sign near the entrance to Karl's neighborhood, and instead of driving through it after he stops, he stays at the intersection, foot on the brakes. When he doesn't say anything in response, Karl is afraid he may have overstepped, and he's about to backtrack on his previous statement when Sapnap turns to face him.

"Karl, you-" he cuts himself off, sighing heavily while he runs both of his hands through his hair. Karl just stares at him.

"You make it so hard to... to function properly." he says, and Karl has no idea how to interpret that at all. Sapnap is looking at him intently, as if he's supposed to read between the lines. He feels clueless though, so he just shrugs helplessly.

Sapnap closes his eyes and throws his head back against his seat, hands coming up to grab onto the steering wheel. "You're addicting, Karl," he says, "you can't just make those dumb little comments and expect me to not become wholeheartedly _addicted_ to you."

Karl feels his throat close up at the words, unsure on how to respond, too afraid to think about it too deeply and get his hopes up. His body is moving faster than his mind, and without thinking he brings a hand to Sapnap's shoulder to turn his body toward him.

"Sap, what do you..." he gulps, "what do you mean?" His hand is still on Sapnap's shoulder, and Sapnap finally meets his eyes, a defeated expression on his face.

Sapnap starts shaking his head, and Karl thinks he's going to say something more, but then his gaze drops to Karl's lips, and before Karl can even register _that_ small detail, Sapnap is leaning in, crashing his lips onto Karl's.

Karl gasps at the contact and feels himself freeze, the hand he has on Sapnap's shoulder tightening. He has barely processed what's happening when Sapnap is pulling away, a panicked look on his face.

"Sorry, Jesus, that was so uncalled for-"

The last thing Karl wants is for Sapnap to apologize for the fleeting moment they just shared, and he still needs to understand what just happened exactly, so he throws his hand over Sapnap's mouth, cutting off the other's words.

"No, stop, wait, gimme a second..." Karl says, mainly to himself, breathing heavily as he tries to control his rapidly beating heart. He looks up at Sapnap, who is furrowing his eyebrows but not removing the hand that's covering his mouth. "Don't apologize — god never apologize for that — I just need to process what the hell just happened."

Sapnap just kissed him. Sapnap just made the first move, kissed him completely unprompted, and then apologized for it.

Karl starts to smile, a giddy feeling entering his chest. _Sapnap kissed him._

He realizes his hand is still covering the other's mouth and retracts it, grinning at the other boy who is looking at Karl as if he's crazy. He thinks he might be now — doesn't know how he'll ever recover from this moment.

Before another word can be ushered by either of them, Karl leans in, movements gentler than Sapnap's but still urgent in the way that Karl feels like he might implode if Sapnap doesn't realize that this is everything he's ever wanted. Their lips meet again and this time it's Sapnap who remains frozen for a moment, although he quickly regains his senses and kisses Karl back with force. He wraps his hands around Karl's neck and Karl feels him smile, and holy shit, if he could stay here forever he would.

He forgets they're sitting in a car until Sapnap pulls him closer and his body uncomfortably bumps against the gearshift. He doesn't care though, too focused on the butterflies in his stomach and the feeling of Sapnap's hands on him.

Suddenly a car horn honks behind them, and Karl and Sapnap break apart, heads hazily turning to the direction of the sound. There's a car waiting behind them, an angry man in the front seat who is impatiently staring them down. Karl waves at him slightly and Sapnap giggles at the motion, turning back around to grab the steering wheel and start the car.

They don't say another word as they continue their drive to Karl's house, both happily sitting in their own worlds.

Karl is leaning back against his seat, smiling to himself and looking over at Sapnap every other second. The other boy seems happy, a pleased look on his face as he keeps his eyes on the road. Karl thinks he probably looks the same, hands coming up to play with the strings of his hoodie.

They pull up into his driveway and Sapnap stops the car, turning over to look at him for the first time since they started driving again.

"Thanks for coming," he says, and Karl just nods happily in response. Sapnap looks hesitant, as if he wants to say something more, but he just nods as well, eyes moving to look everywhere except for Karl.

"So, uh, see you in chemistry?" he says, and Karl giggles to himself, nodding even harder. When it doesn't seem like Sapnap is gonna say anything more, Karl opens up the passenger door and swings a leg out of the truck. He's about to get out completely when he looks back at Sapnap, who is scratching his chin and looking down.

Quickly, he moves toward Sapnap, pecking his lips in one swift motion before coming back to his seat. "Yeah, see ya."

He steps out of the car and closes the door, watching as Sapnap's gaze follows him, bringing a hand to his lips. He laughs at the other's startled expression and walks through his driveway and up to his front door. He's just about to unlock it when the phone in his hand buzzes with a text from Sapnap.

u son of a bitch get back over here

Karl brings a hand to his mouth and laughs into it, turning around to face Sapnap again, who is smiling as well from the inside of his truck. Karl rolls his eyes but happily bounds back over like a puppy, eagerly opening the door and climbing into the passenger seat. He places his phone next to him and brings both of his hand's around Sapnap's neck, pulling him close in another sweet, charming kiss that makes his stomach do another one of those weird little flips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEE HAW


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically sapnap has a nice little chat with his mom and ends up making an important decision :p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i wasn’t planning on updating this fic anymore bc i kinda grew tired of mcyt but u all left the best comments in the world & honestly,,,, i am still so soft for karlnap :] 
> 
> anywho, i hope u enjoy this!! there’s some light referenced homophobia if that makes u uncomfy but it’s barely mentioned <3

As soon as Sapnap walks through the front door of his house, he can tell something is up.

He had just gotten back from school, a little bit later than he usually did, placing his jingling car keys onto the hook next to the door.

It wasn't even his fault that he was sort of late — football practice had ended at its usual time, and Sapnap had taken the usual amount of time cleaning up afterwards. No, football practice or his questionable hygiene practices weren't the cause of his tardiness. It was Karl himself, Karl who had waltzed into the locker room when the rest of the team was long gone, a goofy smile on his face.

Sapnap had asked him what he was doing there, returning his playful smile as he finished packing up his bag. Karl had responded that he had been watching their practice, silently cheering him on from the sidelines.

It's been days since they last hung out, Karl had added, arms tucked behind his back, a gleeful look in his eyes, and he was tired of not getting to see Sapnap up close.

They had gotten a little too preoccupied with each other after that. Again, not that it was Sapnap's fault. He's just always been a sucker for Karl's pretty lips, pretty hair, pretty _everything_. He's only human, after all.

Then their little world had been interrupted by a text from Sapnap's mom, an angry message asking where he was and why he hadn't told her he wouldn't be able to pick up his little sister from school.

That was his first mistake. Forgetting to pick up his little sister, like his mom had asked him to do this morning. It was stupid, too, and Sapnap had grumbled at the time, blaming Karl's lips on his neck for his lapse in memory.

Thinking the damage was already done, Sapnap decided to hang out with Karl a little longer, stalling as they started their walk outside of the locker room. Holding his hand as they slowly trudged up to the parking lot, taking every detour he could think of, before finally kissing the other goodbye.

And now he was at home, probably a good hour after he was supposed to. Already, he could sense a tense atmosphere, but he wasn't even really bothered by it, thoughts still preoccupied with Karl's surprise visit.

Slowly he walks to the kitchen, backpack still slung over his right shoulder. He peers into the room, looking around for either his mom or his sister. Neither are there though, despite the pot of boiling water on the stove, and he takes the opportunity to drop his backpack to the ground and head towards the open pantry, gazing at the different snack options.

Hand on the door, he scrunches his nose in thought. Cheez-its would be killer right now, he thinks, eyes drifting across the selection. Yet my heart is telling me to go for Goldfish.

He ends up taking both, grabbing both boxes out of the pantry and placing them onto the nearest surface. He's just starting to open one of them when his mom's voice sounds from behind him.

"Sapnap." she states plainly, but Sapnap knows her well enough to understand what the tone means. He mentally groans to himself, turning around with the box of Cheez-its in hand.

"Yes, mother?" he asks in a faux-formalness, smiling at her as if he had been in the kitchen the whole time.

She regards him with raised eyebrows, incredulity plastered on her face. "Are you going to tell me why you came home just two minutes ago, despite practice having ended at 5:30?"

He doesn't know what to say to that, so he shrugs. "Practice went a little late, that's all."

His mom walks over to the stove, grabbing a box of noodles that had been lying next to it on the counter. Placing the contents of the box into the pot, she sighs. "Sapnap, please. You'd think you'd get better at lying to your mother after all these years."

"Woah," Sapnap says, eyes widening, "heavy with the sass today, huh?"

She shakes her head at his words, tutting silently. Sapnap thinks that's the end of the conversation, so he turns back to his snacks, huddling the boxes close to his chest as he turns to head out of the kitchen. He's vaguely aware that his backpack is still on the ground, but he doesn't have any room in his hands to bring it with him. Not that he was going to do any homework, anyway.

He's almost out of the room when his mom calls out again, "Sapnap?"

He stops and turns back toward her, surprised when he sees a concerned look on her face. "Yeah, mom?"

She takes a second to collect her thoughts, slightly biting her lip in an anxious manner that Sapnap recognizes only because he does it himself. He stalls on his toes, waiting for her to continue.

"I was talking with some ladies from work today," she starts, which immediately throws Sapnap for a loop, "and they were talking about this app. Oh, what's it called, the yellow one? Snapchat?"

He involuntarily freezes at that, although there's nothing inherently scary about a bunch of moms talking about Snapchat. "What about it?"

"There's a feature on there, one where you can hide things," she continues, and this time Sapnap's freeze is justifiable, because he's pretty sure he knows what she's talking about. "'My Eyes Only,' I think one of them called it. You can hide pictures and videos you take with that, right? So that only you can see it?"

Sapnap gulps, still holding the snacks in his hand. "Yeah, I mean, I think so..." he trails off, acting as if he didn't have much knowledge on what she was describing.

She blinks at him, stirring the pot offhandedly. "The other ladies said they found some scandalous stuff on their son's accounts, it just got me thinking." she says, and Sapnap's about to roll his eyes when she adds, "Can I see yours?"

Sapnap stares at her, eyebrows furrowing in a defensive confusion. "What?" he asks loudly, disbelief etched in his tone.

His mom seems caught off guard by the response. "I'd like to see the stuff you have on there."

Whoever's raggedy, old mom told Sapnap's mom about this stupid Snapchat feature, he had it out for them. They were now at the top of his imaginary hit list.

It's not that he had anything that bad hidden in that pocketed place on his phone; no dick pics or videos of him taking drugs at parties that he's specifically hidden away from his mom.

He did, however, have secrets. One, overwhelming, really large secret in particular that comes to mind: Karl.

Half of the pictures and videos on his 'My Eyes Only' are of him and Karl, because really, he has nowhere else to put them. There are pictures of them laying in bed together, Karl's head on his chest, a video or two of Karl kissing his cheek, and random other selfies that always made Sapnap's heart swell to look back on. Karl doing a dumb pose accompanied by Sapnap looking at him with heart eyes so large they could be felt through the screen.

So, yeah, Sapnap wasn't too keen at the idea of letting his mom parade through his phone.

Telling her no and outwardly declining her request to look at his secret folder, though, would be worse. She would assume the worst, thinking he had something serious and life-threatening that he was hiding.

But, he's not ready to talk about Karl yet, he thinks. He needs some time.

"No, I'm good." he says, trying to say it as playfully as he could. It comes off weirdly forced though, and his mom's concern only grows on her face.

"Oh, honey," she says, sweet enough, "I don't think you understand that I'm not asking for permission. I'm asking for your phone."

Hand leaving the spoon she was holding, she stretches it out towards him, motioning for the phone in his pocket.

Fear grips his heart, and he slowly starts walking forward, placing the snacks he was still holding onto the dinner table. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket, he places it on the table, screen facing up.

He looks down and notices his screen light up, a text he received five minutes ago from none other than Karl himself brightening his lock screen.

_i know we just saw each other but when u get home i was thinking we could facetime? if u want :)_

Sapnap's heart aches at the latter end of the statement. The 'if you want' part, as if Sapnap somehow didn't want to spend every moment of his day graced by Karl's presence. Unfortunately, right now he was preoccupied, looking back up to face his mom.

"You can't just-" he starts, placing a hand over his phone, "you can't just look through my stuff, mom!"

His mom obviously doesn't agree with that, one of her hands moving to her hip. "I'm your mother, Sapnap, I definitely can."

Sapnap shakes his head, choosing to plop himself down in one of the closest chairs. "Privacy and boundaries — they exist!" he almost shouts, growing increasingly frantic. Internally, however, be knows his mom won't listen. Once she has an idea, she tends to stick with it.

Proving his point, his mom turns down the heat of the stove and starts walking towards him, arms crossed. She takes the seat next to him, fixing him with a pointed stare.

"I understand that," she says lightly, "but you have to understand that this is coming from a place of concern. This isn't the first time you've been out of the house without explaining to me why. I'm worried, Sapnap."

The way she says it, he almost feels guilty. Then he remembers that she's trying to look through his phone because she doesn't trust him, and he gets angry again.

"Mom, I promise you, I don't have anything to hide."

"If you didn't have anything to hide, you'd let me see your phone!" she quips back, a determined look in her eyes. She stretches her hand out again, and Sapnap knows she won't pull it away until his phone is in her hands.

"Mom," he says helplessly, feeling embarrassingly close to tears.

His mom shakes her head. No more talking from her, not until she has what she wants.

He sighs frustratedly, harshly yanking his phone from the table and placing it in her hand. She sends him a glare at that, which Sapnap feels triumphant over.

"Password?" she asks, and Sapnap tells her, heart rate picking up as she stares at the homescreen, looking for the app with squinted eyes.

Finally, after what feels like years, she finds it, clicking on it hesitantly. Sapnap sighs, knowing she won't really know how the app works, and he leans over her to click on the 'My Eyes Only' tab.

It asks for a password again, and his mom repeats her earlier question. Sapnap isn't facing her anymore, his head turned to his right as he crosses his arms, trying to blink back the tears that threaten to escape. He tells her the password, the same one that he uses to unlock his phone, and holds his breath as she types it in.

Silence hangs in the air for a second, and Sapnap feels like he can't breathe. Knowing she was looking at his private pictures, but not knowing which ones, was gnawing at his insides. Turning his head, he sneaks a glance at his phone and sees that she's clicked on a photo of him and Karl laying in bed, Sapnap kissing the top of Karl's head while the other's hands hold up the phone.

Despite the scariness of the situation, Sapnap feels his heart warm at the picture. They had taken it just last week, when Karl had come over to help Sapnap with his calculus homework. Not that they really got much done.

He looks over at his mom, who's still looking at the photo silently. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but closes it again afterwards just as fast. Sapnap feels his stomach flip anxiously, but he stays silent.

She swipes to the left, and up next comes a video. It's from the same day as the picture (Sapnap can tell because Karl is still wearing the most ridiculous purple sweater he's ever seen), but it's just Karl in the frame, hunched over his math textbook. The video is slowly zooming in on the other boy, and Sapnap almost smiles at how cute Karl looked when he was concentrated.

Karl from the video suddenly seems to notice the camera's presence, whipping his head to face it as a smile forms on his face.

"What are you doing that for?" Video Karl asks, soft voice cutting through the air, making video Sapnap chuckle behind the camera.

"You look cute when you're concentrated," video Sapnap says, which present Sapnap thinks is a very accurate statement.

Karl blushes at that, and the video cuts off there. It starts replaying on his phone, but Sapnap is more focused on his mom, who is staring down at the phone in wonder.

The silence from her is unbearable. He feels a whole range of different emotions — anger, repulsion, and a weird strand of guilt — all bleeding into his thoughts at once.

Why isn't she saying anything, Sapnap thinks, tears resurfacing in his eyes.

Finally, she breaks the quiet. "Karl," she says, turning to face Sapnap with an unreadable expression, "You and Karl are-"

"We're kinda dating, yeah." Sapnap quickly finishes for her, moving his head into his hands.

"He's... I'm-" he cuts himself off, suddenly feeling a lump form in his throat. He has so much to say but he doesn't know how; he needed more time to figure his shit out.

"What about Carrie?" his mom asks, as if Sapnap didn’t spend almost every minute of his life asking the same question.

Suddenly everything feels a whole lot more overwhelming, and Sapnap feels like he's at his breaking point. Like he's going to tip over any second now, and the only thing stopping it from happening is the video on Sapnap's phone replaying over and over, Karl's affectionate voice breaking the tension of the kitchen.

"She's..." he trails off again, because really, what is he supposed to say? How can he even justify any of this?

He looks back up to meet his mom's gaze, and weirdly enough, it levels him. Her kind eyes waiting for him to explain himself give him a level of reassurance he hadn't expected, and it gives him the courage to collect his thoughts and speak them.

"I only pretended to like Carrie," he barely whispers, keeping his eyes on his mom, "I don't actually have feelings for her."

"Oh," his mom starts, placing one of her hands across her chest, "Oh, Sapnap..."

Her words make the pool of tears in his eyes start to travel down his cheeks, and he sniffs and wipes at his eyes to try and stop them. It's useless, though, because they just keep coming.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," he chokes out, "I don't want to hurt Carrie and I don't want to hurt Karl, but I'm just hurting both of them."

His mom brings one of her hands to rub his shoulder in a comforting gesture, but it just makes Sapnap feel even more guilty. He doesn't deserve her kindness; he's not the victim.

"Mom, I don't know what to do." he finishes, teary eyes following her's. She looks like she's about to cry, too, which makes Sapnap feel worse.

"Honey," she starts, voice shaking a little, "you need to- you need to do what feels right to you. And if Karl feels right..." she trails off at that, but Sapnap gets the memo. He nods at her slowly.

"And you need to tell Carrie, Sapnap," she adds softly, hand rubbing small circles on his back, "because she deserves to know the truth."

He groans and puts his head back in his hands, but he knows she's right. It's something he's known ever since they started dating, but he's been avoiding it like the plague. The last thing he wants to deal with was Carrie being upset at him, especially when she's justified in being so.

"I will." he says, turning back to face her. The promise leaves a nauseous feeling in his stomach, guilt creeping back in over the mess he's gotten himself into, but it's leveled out by a sense of relief. Not having to live this weird double life anymore, it's a nice and promising thought.

They sit in silence for a few more moments, Sapnap trying to wipe away the rest of his tears while his mom watches with a pitiful smile. He clears his throat and gets ready to get up, ready to leave this mess of a conversation behind, when his mom lets out a breath of disbelief.

"How'd you even get into this mess, Sapnap?" she asks, shaking her head at him while smiling. He appreciates her attempt at lightening the heavy atmosphere, sitting back down into his seat.

He sighs, scratching the back of neck. "You mean the whole Carrie thing?" She nods gently and he gulps, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"After about a month of Karl and I dating, the boys on the team were getting suspicious of us. I guess we were hanging out too much for two 'straight bros'," Sapnap starts, using air quotes as he finishes his sentence. "And this one time, after I had dropped Karl off at one of his classes, one of the guys came up to me, and..."

He stops suddenly, anger bubbling inside him as he recounts the encounter that had happened months ago. His mom gives him an encouraging nod and he tries to shake off the ugly feeling.

"He asked me if Karl was a-" Sapnap can't even say the word, and he cringes as he remembers the menacing tone his teammate had used. His mom seems to understand thankfully, because she nods painfully.

"He said Karl was the type who, you know, would be one of them, and he told me to be careful, because people would start thinking I was one."

His mom's eyes filled with a sort of rage that was uncommon for her, and Sapnap continued.

"I don't even remember what I said, but, I freaked out. No one else in our school is... you know... not straight. Or at least, they don't stay anything about it. And I didn't want to be the first."

Sapnap takes another shaky breath, determined not to cry any more than he already had. "The next day at lunch, someone told me Carrie was into me, and she was waiting for me to ask her to prom, which was coming soon. So I jumped at the chance, clearly not thinking, and that's how I fucked everything up."

His mom doesn't even comment on his language, eyes growing misty as she watches him. He looks at her helplessly, exhausted from this short conversation.

"Sapnap, you should've told me." she says, taking her hand off of his shoulder to wipe at her eyes. Seeing her cry makes his eyes grow wet as well, but he tries to blink them back.

"Mom, I didn't want you to know I was-" he stops, voice trembling, and he doesn't continue, finding it hard to return her gaze.

His mom laughs in shock despite the tears in her eyes, shaking her head at him. "Sapnap, of course that doesn't matter to me! I just want you to be happy." she says, sincerity in her eyes as she adds on afterwards, "And it's clear that Karl makes you happy."

Sapnap smiles dumbly down at the table, thoughts gravitating back to the one good part about the chaos of his life. The dumb, stupidly charming boy with the lopsided grin and the softest hair Sapnap's ever seen.

"Yeah," Sapnap whispers out, barely aware that he's speaking at all, "he does."

He doesn't see his mom's reaction to his words, his eyes still trained on the table. Only then does he realize that his phone is still situated in front of his mom, and he looks over to it, the volume lower than it once was.

His mom looks down at it as well, guilt encapsulating her face as she looks back over at him. "Oh, honey, I shouldn't have forced you to show me this until you were ready-"

Sapnap shakes his head, taking the phone from its place on the table and moving it back to his pocket. He's happy she apologized, because he did think it was uncool of her, but he's too tired to argue, and part of him is glad to have gotten all of this off of his chest.

"No, mom, it's chill. I get it." is all he says, stretching out his shoulders as he leans back in his chair. His mom smiles at him gratefully, patting his shoulder before moving out of her chair and back to the stove.

He watches her, a new feeling of peace washing over his conscious. He didn't realize how much he needed to talk through all of that, but now that he did, he feels infinitely better.

He pulls out his phone and stares at the screen, remembering the text from Karl that had previously been there. It's empty now, but he unlocks his phone, moving his fingers to click on Karl's contact.

Just as he's about to press the 'call' button, the sound of books dropping onto the table pulls him from his screen, and he looks up to see his little sister, Kara, staring at him weirdly.

"Are you crying?" she asks, a look of shock on her small features.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes at her. "No," he says, at the same time his mom says, "Yes."

Sapnap shoots his mom an annoyed look before turning back to Kara. "None of your business." he settles on, standing up from his chair.

He watches Kara look over at their mom, eyebrows raised in an expression that he feels is way too sassy for someone her age.

"Relationship drama," his mom says exasperatedly, shaking her head slightly. He groans at that, finally stepping out of his seat, hands moving to grab the snack boxes that had been previously forgotten about.

He shoves past Kara, using his aggression to mask the fact that he was definitely just crying, smiling when she lets out a small, "Hey!"

"Dinner's in fifteen minutes, Sapnap!" his mom shouts from behind him, "You're not gonna be hungry if you eat all that."

He shrugs without turning back to look at her, rounding up on the staircase. He climbs it quickly, skipping every other step, before he finally reaches the top and walks the short distance to his room. Opening the door, he easily plops down onto his bed, face facing the ceiling.

He lets out a small sigh, one hand coming up to settle in his hair. Laying there for a few minutes, he lets the previous events settle into his mind, finally processing the weight of what just happened.

Technically, he came out, right?

The thought isn't as scary as he had once imagined it would be, which is a bit relieving. Of course his mom wouldn't have cared what he was, but still, he had been terrified of anyone ever knowing this part of him, and it feels good to be more honest.

It makes this whole thing with Karl feel much more real, and all over again he's itching to get to talk to the other.

Quickly unlocking his phone, he opens Snapchat back up, typing in his password to unlock the My Eyes Only section. He clicks on the video next to the one him and his mom had just watched, curious as to what they would've saw if she kept scrolling.

The video is from Sapnap's perspective, laying down on his bed, with Karl straddling his waist. No one in the video says anything, but Sapnap watches as the camera follows Karl's movement as he bends down to captures Sapnap's lips in his own, both of them smiling into the kiss.

The rest of the video is literally just them making out, and Sapnap feels his face flush red, thankful his mom had stopped scrolling when she did. He could handle the coming out part, but that would've been hard to sit through.

Closing out of the app, he pulls up the text he had received from Karl, reading it again with a smile on his face. Clicking onto his contact, Sapnap presses the 'FaceTime' button on the top of the screen, moving his head to be propped up against one of his pillows as he waits for Karl to pick up.

It doesn't take too long, a couple of rings sounding out before he connects, only the top half of Karl's face visible to the camera.

"Hey," Sapnap pouts, tilting his head to the side, "I wanna see your whole face."

Karl shakes his head in defiance, and despite not being able to see the bottom-half of his face, Sapnap can tell he's smiling.

"Fine," Sapnap sighs out, shaking his head disappointingly at the screen, "I guess I won't tell you the really incredible good news I have."

Karl's eyebrows quirk up at that, an obvious look of interest on his features. He still doesn't move the camera angle though, instead asking, "Good news?"

Sapnap hums softly, nodding at the other's words. "Yep, and something tells me you're really gonna like it."

Karl squints his eyes in suspicion, but nevertheless he slowly moves the camera down so that Sapnap can see his whole face. What he also sees is that Karl is wearing one of Sapnap's light blue hoodies, a sight that makes his stomach flip excitedly.

It's a pretty view: Karl laying on his side, face squished against one of his pillows, comfortably wrapped in Sapnap's clothes.

Without hesitating, Sapnap tells him the news, unable to keep the smile from breaking out on his face. "I'm breaking up with Carrie."

Karl's eyes widen at that, the tiredness that had once taken over his features dissolving in a second. He sits up, bringing the camera with him, and stares at Sapnap through the screen.

"You're _what_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again thanks for the comments guys 🥺 my heart grows so soft reading them <3 i hope u enjoyed!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which karl attends a party :)
> 
> (for context, this takes place when carrie and sap are still together!!! before sap's convo w his mom!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO GUYS!!! ik u probably wanted some more break up action between sap and carrie but this idea plopped into my head & i was FORCEd to write over 7k words to get my feelings out loll.. 
> 
> i rlly hope u enjoy!!! :D again thanks for being the nicest ppl in the world <3

If the weather hadn't been so devastatingly cold outside, Karl thinks there would be nothing stopping him from turning around in his tracks, abandoning the sight in front of him.

The loud music that seemed to reverberate against every wall, the flashy lights that were bright enough to blind him, and the swarm of people congregating together in such a small space were all just too much for him. He doesn't understand how any house could fit that many drunk teenagers in it, much less how none of the neighbors had filed a noise complaint.

Usually, Karl loved a good house party. He wasn't a stranger to alcohol, and he'd take any opportunity to recklessly dance with his friends. Really, he thinks, if Chris or one of his other friends had come with him, he would've been a lot more enthusiastic about entering the house.

But he didn't really know anyone here.

The thought reinforces the nauseous feeling he has in his stomach, standing in front of the open front door as some random guy tries to recognize who he is. The only thing Karl can focus on, though, is the warmth radiating from the inside of the house, and how he really needed to get out of the cold.

"Who are you?" the guy asks, tilting his head slightly in a disinterested manner. Despite the red solo cup in his hand, he didn't seem drunk whatsoever.

Hands stuffed in his pockets, Karl sends him a tentative smile. "Karl Jacobs."

The guy squints at his answer, moving to lean against the doorframe. Karl internally groans, because it doesn't look like this guy plans on letting him in any time soon. He didn't realize high school parties had bouncers.

"I don't know a-"

His words are cut off by the presence of a new and much louder voice accompanied by a girl of similar statue to Karl.

"Oh, Karl!" she says, waving him over, "You came! Sapnap didn't know if- oh, Anthony, it's fine, I know him. He can come in."

When Karl continues to stand there, the girl smiles at him, motioning him forward again. The boy who had just been denying Karl access to the house looks caught off guard, but he steps back from the doorframe nonetheless.

Karl feels too shocked to say anything in response, simply giving who he now knew as Anthony a small nod before following the other girl, letting her lead him into the crowded mess of a living room.

She turns back to look at him briefly, and Karl can't help the bewilderment from leaking into his expression.

Why was Carrie, of all people, acknowledging his existence at a high school party?

She gives him a puzzled look before turning back around, continuing to lead them through the house.

"Sapnap told me he invited you, but he didn't know if you'd actually show." she says casually, loud enough to be heard over the music.

Karl's not sure how to respond to that, thoughts clouded by the loud noises around him. He just shrugs, even though she can't see him, and the two of them start to slow down as they enter another room.

"I didn't even know you knew I existed," he blurts out, mouth speaking before he can think twice about his words. It's true though — Karl's never even spoken to her before today, so there's no reason she should be acting so friendly towards him.

She barely acknowledges his statement with a small nod before scouting the room they had just entered, seemingly looking for someone. "Sapnap's mentioned you a couple of times before. You have chemistry with him, right?"

Karl gulps, nodding lightly. He tries not to think about the fact that Sapnap had talked to Carrie about him on more than one occasion. "Yeah, and US history."

She nods vaguely as if she's barely paying attention to him, still looking around. He does the same, eyes moving around the large area they had just walked into.

There's a lot less people in here, but the music is still just as loud, bass pounding against every wall. Karl thinks they're in the kitchen right now, but it's sort of hard to tell. The tables and counters are covered in various alcoholic drinks and empty cups, so there's not really much open space. The only give away is a large fridge in the corner of the room, which Karl would guess is stocked only with alcohol.

He looks back at Carrie, who's started to frown. "I thought he-"

"Karl?" A voice asks from behind them, a voice Karl recognizes all too well, and both him and Carrie turn around to face it.

There stands Sapnap, the devil himself, two drinks held carelessly in his hands. He looks a bit confused, eyes moving between Carrie and him, but Karl notes to himself that despite the confusion, Sapnap looks a lot more laidback than he usually would have been, given the situation. He's got a small, easygoing smile on his face and his body is slightly swaying to the music that's playing in the background.

Karl also notes, with pink cheeks, the white bandanna that Sapnap has chosen to wear, and the haphazard manner in which it was placed on his hair.

His whole demeanor was messier than usual, a fact that Karl realized he really liked. Like, _really_ liked. Too captivated to say anything, he just stands there, mouth parted as he tries to come up with some way to fill the silence.

"I'm here too." Carrie says, returning Sapnap's smile, although her voice is clipped with a bit of annoyance. Sapnap doesn't seem to register her words, eyes still on Karl, who returns his gaze in full force until he remembers that Carrie is standing next to him.

She looks down at the drinks in Sapnap's hands, ignoring his lack of response. "Are one of those for me?" she asks, peering into one of the cups. Sapnap's eyes leave Karl's then, smiling down at the drinks in his hands as if he'd forgotten about them.

"Oh, yeah!" he says, awkwardly shoving one of the drinks into her chest, looking up at her with a smile. Carrie takes it gingerly, bringing the cup up to her mouth as she takes a small sip.

Right as she first tastes it, her face scrunches up, a look of disgust engulfing her features.

"What is this?" she asks, looking down at the cup as if it had offended her.

Sapnap looks alarmed at her response, looking down at his own cup. "It's just a beer?" he says, more of a question than anything else. "It's a Blue Moon, I thought those were your favorite."

Karl feels his face start to burn up at that, because that's _his_ favorite drink, a fact that Sapnap was well aware of, only because they've debated the topic extensively.

(Sapnap had always claimed Bud Light to be superior to Blue Moon, which Karl adamantly disagreed with, always telling the other that his love for Bud Light beer was the straightest thing about him.)

Carrie raises an eyebrow at him. "I've never even had one of those before."

Sapnap looks taken aback, but his confusion dissipates as his eyes land on Karl, a look of clarity breaking across his face as he realizes his mistake. Karl tries to stop the smile that threatens to capture his face, but Sapnap makes no such effort, wearing every emotion openly and with pride; most likely a side effect of the alcohol he's consumed.

"Huh, my bad." he says, shrugging nonchalantly and smiling widely. Carrie doesn't take lightly to the comment, flipping her hair as she places the drink on a nearby counter, looking back up at Sapnap with an irritated expression. The look is contradicted when she bats her eyelashes up at him, hands moving to link around his arm.

"C'mon, baby, lets go dance." she says, and Karl suddenly feels like he shouldn't be here, witnessing this little bit of intimacy. He turns his head to the side, missing the quick glance that Sapnap sends him.

"One second," Sapnap responds, voice lowered so that Karl could barely hear him, "I wanna catch up with Karl, first."

Karl lets himself look back over at the pair at the boy's words, a hopeful warmth spreading throughout his chest. Carrie nods, albeit reluctantly, and she unlatches herself from Sapnap, walking cooly out of the door in just a few steps.

Sapnap turns back to face him, the smile on his face widening. Karl returns it, crossing his arms. "You didn't want to dance, _baby_?"

Sapnap laughs at that, taking a quick sip of whatever drink he had in his cup. "Not with her." he states matter-of-factly, a fierce light shining in his eyes. "But, if you were to ask, it's not like I'd say no."

Karl hums at that, eyes not able to meet Sapnap's anymore. He fixes his gaze on Carrie's retreating form out of the door, watching as she sits down on one of the couches in the living room.

An ugly feeling settles in his stomach as she turns her face towards him for a moment, no sense of friendliness on her features. Karl tries smiling at her, but he thinks it comes off as more of a grimace.

"Hey," Sapnap says, nudging him softly and effectively bringing his attention back to him. "I'm really happy you came."

Karl hopes Carrie isn't still looking at him, because he can practically feel his own heart eyes while looking at the boy in front of him. Such simple phrasing shouldn't garner such a reaction out of him, but he feels his stomach flip nonetheless.

"Yeah, yeah," he says as nonchalantly as possible, "I missed you, so."

They stand and look at each other for a few more moments, and Karl restrains himself from reaching out and holding onto Sapnap in any conceivable way. Even if it was just to adjust his bandana, which continued to stand lopsided at the top of his head.

He thinks Sapnap is having a similar thought, because one of the other's hands comes to grab at Karl's, pulling on his fingers softly. It's such a small movement and the room is so dark that Karl barely notices it, but he doesn't want to risk anything, not with Sapnap's girlfriend in the next room over.

"You should probably go back to Carrie," Karl says, because he loves to ruin every good thing he has. Sapnap's eyes move from their barely-touching hands up to Karl's eyes, a pout on his face.

"But," Sapnap whines, and he says it so softly that Karl wants to forget his previous proposal and indulge in the way his heartbeat had quickened from the small contact they shared; pulling the other into the nearest room to let himself feel everything he came here for.

Then he looks to where Carrie is sitting again, talking with someone else and thankfully not looking over at them, and he feels a pang of guilt, thinking what it would be like to be her.

"You can come with me? We can hang out, the three of us?" Sapnap adds, pulling Karl's stare away from the living room. His eyes are pleading with Karl, and as much as Karl would love to hang out with him, he doesn't know if he can do so with Carrie around. The idea leaves a gross feeling in his stomach.

"Lemme get something to drink, and then we'll see." Karl reasons, although he doubts any amount of alcohol would make him confident enough to hang out with them. Sapnap nods at that, but he doesn't look pleased.

Karl tries to placate it with a smile. "I can't believe you got her a Blue Moon."

Sapnap's mood completely lightens up at that, laughter spilling from his mouth. "Right? What the hell was I thinking?"

Karl joins in on his laughter, bringing a hand to cover his mouth as he does so. Their laughter starts to slow down and soon they're just standing and smiling at each other, Sapnap's eyes filled with what Karl would love to call adoration.

"Guess you're just always on my mind." Sapnap says, voice infinitely softer, before ruffling Karl's hair with one of his hands and turning around to walk out of the room in one swift motion.

And, well, fuck.

He tries in vain to will his cheeks from turning bright red, but soon decides it doesn't even matter, the room dark enough to hide his flustered state.

With Sapnap out of sight, Karl turns around, looking around the room until he spots the fridge. He slowly starts walking towards it with a new feeling of contention, Sapnap's words still ringing in his ears.

 _I'm always on his mind_ , he repeats to himself, grinning like a madman.

He makes it halfway there when he sees something in the corner of the room that makes him do a double-take.

"George?" he asks, squinting at a figure standing to the side of the room, the dark lights shadowing most of the other's recognizable features.

Sure enough, though, the boy turns to look at him, and it's definitely George. His dark black hair and confused expression are easily identifiable.

"Karl?" George questions back, taking a step forward to get a better look at him. Karl feels something inside of him light up, excited at the idea of not being totally alone at this party.

He finally reaches the other and sees that there's someone next to him, sitting atop one of the counters. The boy has a hood on, but Karl soon recognizes him as Dream, one of Sapnap's closest friends. Dream sends him a small wave, which Karl returns meekly.

"What are you doing here?" George asks, leaning back against the counter, only inches away from the boy next to him. His words are slightly slurred together, and Karl finally clocks the open beer bottle in his hand.

"Uh, Sapnap invited me," he answers simply, head involuntarily moving back to the door Sapnap had just escaped through. Turning back around, he catches Dream smirk at the statement, while George just nods his head.

"Speaking of that dickhead," Dream clears his throat, surprisingly directing his attention towards Karl, "Where is he? I need to talk to him."

Karl raises his eyebrows at the vagueness, but he drops the look when Dream returns it with an unamused stare. He shrugs quickly. "I'm not too sure, somewhere with Carrie, I think." 

Dream rolls his eyes slowly at that, but he doesn't move from his seat, bringing one leg up on the counter to rest his arm against it.

"You could just... go look for him?" Karl suggests, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Dream shakes his head wordlessly at that, and before Karl can ask why not, George butts in.

"He won't leave my side," George says, tone a mixture of amusement and pride, "because I'm super, super, _super_ drunk."

His bluntness supports his statement, and Karl watches as the short boy dissolves into a fit of laughter, chugging down the remainder of his drink as he finishes.

Karl looks to Dream for clarification, but the other boy is watching George with a soft look that makes Karl's heart clench. Shortly after, as if sensing Karl's gaze, Dream turns to look at him, a sheepish look on his face as he seems to hide back into his hood.

"I just want to make sure he doesn't get himself hurt." Dream says logically, and Karl doesn't try to deny the statement, although he feels like the notion is a lot more tender than he's letting on.

George continues laughing, turning on the boy to his right with a grin much larger than is usual for him. "Dream, my knight in shining armor! My protector!"

He reaches out as if to hug him, but Dream pushes him away, although he's laughing along with the other. "You're a colossal idiot, George."

Figuring that the two would be wrapped up in each other for the rest of the night, Karl nods goodbye to both of them (although Dream is the only one to notice his departure, nodding to him with a smile on his face) and makes his way to his original destination: the fridge.

He opens it and is instantly surprised at the large variety of drinks all packed together. Searching for an unopened Blue Moon, the cold temperature of the fridge reminds him of how he felt outside, freezing his ass off before Carrie came to his rescue. Once he locates a bottle, he instantly closes the fridge and turns around, leaving the cold behind.

Now, though, with a bottle in his hand, he's not sure what to do with himself.

It's not like he can go back to hang out with George and Dream — it's obvious they wanted to be alone with each other, hiding out from the rest of the people at the party in their own little corner, even if neither of them knew this. He secretly envies it, wishing he was able to do the same with Sapnap.

Sapnap. The only reason he was at this stupid party, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to actually spend time with him. 

He figures he can't just stand there like a fool, blocking the accessibility to the fridge, so he slowly starts to walk to the other side of the kitchen, where he and Sapnap had been talking before.

He stops there, faltering in his steps as he looks out of the entrance to the kitchen, over the countless heads walking around the living room. There sits Sapnap, with Carrie right next to him. It looks like Sapnap is trying to talk to her, hands motioning animatedly as if he's telling a story, but Carrie's barely listening, phone open and out in front of her face.

Karl feels a surge of protectiveness jolt in his stomach, but he doesn't move from his spot. He continues to stare at the two, ignoring the people who push past him to walk into and out of the kitchen.

Carrie finally looks up from her phone, cutting off whatever Sapnap had been saying to lean up to the side of his ear, whispering something secretive. Karl's not sure what it is, but he doesn't think he wants to know, based on the way Sapnap's hands instantly drop to his sides and his smile falters.

Looking down at the beer in his hand, Karl realizes he has no means of opening it, so he sets it down on a nearby table. Straightening his back and fluffing up his hair, he suddenly decides then and there that he's not going to let Carrie get in the way of his quality time with Sapnap, a newfound sense of courage building up in his body.

If he wants to hang out with his boy, then he will, thank you very much.

He starts his walk, entering the swarm of sweaty bodies as he makes his way to the group of couches.

It's a struggle, and the flashing lights and pounding beats are starting to give him a headache, but he manages to squirm past the crowd and emerge victorious on the other side, breathing heavily.

"-know, I don't really feel like it, Carrie," Sapnap is saying, a look of discomfort matching his unsure tone of voice. Karl immediately wants to turn back around, feeling awkward as he stands there and watches them, until Sapnap turns his head and locks eyes with him, his face brightening dramatically.

"Karl!" he yells, hands shooting back up into the air. Karl's not sure what to say, because despite Sapnap's excited reaction, Carrie looks like she could kill him.

 _You're not focusing on her, remember?_ Karl reminds himself, ignoring her side eye in favor of returning Sapnap's grin.

"You're here! We can hang out!" Sapnap yells, no sense of secrecy or shame attached to his joy, and the whole thing makes Karl's heart swell.

Carrie obviously doesn't feel the same, standing up abruptly as she dusts the imaginary dirt off of her dress.

"I'm going to the bathroom." she announces, not looking to either Sapnap or Karl as she steps away from them, out into the crowd Karl had just come from.

Sapnap watches her retreating form, a strange mixture of worry and relief etched on his features.

Karl's about to apologize for making her run off for the second time tonight when Sapnap turns back to look at him, all of the previous worry melting away from his face. He smirks and stands up as well, placing his half-full drink on the table in front of him, regarding Karl with mischievous eyes.

"Follow me," Sapnap says, voice so low that it's drowned out by the sound from around them. Thankfully, Karl is able to read his lips, and his stomach tumbles as he registers the words, nodding towards the other as he lets Sapnap guide him through the house, hand wrapped around Karl's wrist.

They walk a few feet before taking a left to head up the nearest staircase, and Karl tries not to imagine what this might look like to someone else. Fortunately, it's not that hard, because his thoughts have started to become preoccupied with other matters.

Such as: the burning feeling where Sapnap's hand makes contact with his wrist, that _stupid_ white bandana Sapnap still has on, and the _stupid_ way it makes Sapnap glow in front of him, the flashing LED lights illuminating his profile. It's all so much — too much — but Karl lets himself drown in it all.

Once they reach the top of the stairs, they emerge in an almost empty hallway with several doors lining each side of them. Sapnap doesn't even hesitate as he brings them into the farthest one from the staircase, opening and closing the door without taking his hand off of Karl.

With the door closed, the music from the rest of the house becomes muted; the quietness of the new room they're now in settling over them.

Karl tries to take in the new scenery as he catches his breath, vaguely aware due to the large bed in the center that they're in someone's bedroom. He's about to ask whose bedroom it is when Sapnap abruptly drops Karl's hand and pushes him roughly against the nearest wall, cushioning Karl's head from thudding harshly with his right hand.

"Woah, mister," Karl says, voice barely a whisper as he feels his erratic heartbeat pound in his ears. His eyes lock onto Sapnap's lips, and the sudden urge to close the small distance between them engulfs his entire chest. Instead, he quirks an eyebrow and says, "Eager much?"

Sapnap barely reacts, eyes on Karl as he nods his head seriously. "Ever since I first saw you."

The other boy doesn't give Karl time to react to that, leaning down to press his lips against Karl's without missing a beat. Karl accepts it graciously, tasting the Blue Moon on Sapnap's mouth as he wraps his hands around the other's neck.

He feels Sapnap sigh against his lips, pushing Karl farther into the wall while the hand not holding Karl's head moves to rest on his chest, toying with his sweatshirt.

Karl's head is spinning, and he lets Sapnap take control, cheeks reddening when Sapnap's movements become sloppier as his desperation takes hold. He's reminded of how much he wanted this earlier that night, standing awkwardly next to Carrie and Sapnap as they conversed, envying the closeness and privacy Dream and George had shared.

The thought only makes him want this more, and he pushes back against Sapnap, hands moving up to rest in Sapnap's hair, pulling at it in a way that makes the other boy groan. The sound emits a pool of warmth in Karl's stomach, and he savors the feeling, thinking it might just be the best sensation in the world.

Sapnap is pulling back all too soon, a flustered look on his face and swollen lips that makes Karl want to close the distance once again.

"You're something else, Jacobs," Sapnap mumbles, and Karl laughs at that, feeling giddy over the simple compliment and the added aspect of Sapnap referring to him by his last name.

"You're not too bad yourself, Mr. Sapnap." Karl gleams, hands still nestled in the back of the other's hair. He notices the bandana has fallen off at some point during their little charade, and although he loves the messiness it left behind, he can't help but miss the clothing.

Sapnap's trance on Karl's mouth seems to be broken by that, and he finally looks up to meet his eyes. "Mr. Sapnap?" he asks incredulously, tilting his head.

Karl nods happily, biting his lip to try and control his large smile.

Sapnap laughs at that, an amused expression highlighting his face. "You're a nimrod, Mr. Jacobs."

Karl isn't caught off guard this time when Sapnap leans down once more, capturing his lips in a kiss that's much softer than the last one, coated in a sweetness that's contradictory to the desperation that had filled each of them moments ago.

The affectionate nature of it all sends Karl over the edge, and he can't help but smile so largely into the kiss that it disrupts the entire thing completely.

Sapnap pulls back, eyes watching him with a brightness that illuminates the smile on his face. He doesn't say anything, and neither does Karl, so they just stand there in silence for a few moments, basking in each other's attention.

Karl is finally brought back to reality now that his lips are off of the other's, the sounds of the party raging downstairs meeting his ears. He's reminded of the circumstance they're in, and the hidden nature and grounding feeling of Sapnap's touch while hundreds of kids mill about downstairs is hitting Karl's heart in a way he didn't know was possible.

He tries not to dwell on his intense emotions, not when Sapnap is still looking at him like that. Karl had forgotten how intoxicating it was to have all of Sapnap's attention to himself.

Feeling tired of standing though, he wiggles his head to the side, motioning for Sapnap to remove his arms from the wall so he could move away. The other does, although he has a small frown on his face, and Karl breaks away from the wall in which he had been trapped, not saying a word.

He walks a few steps aimlessly, fully aware of Sapnap's gaze on the back of his head as he situates himself in front of the bed. He turns and sends a small smile to Sapnap before dropping down onto the mattress; face turned toward the ceiling as the bed creaks under his weight.

Sapnap doesn't say a word either, joining Karl as he lays down on his back, just to the right of him.

Karl feels Sapnap's eyes on him, but he continues staring up at the ceiling, breathing heavily.

The quiet isn't suffocating, not that it ever really was when he was with Sapnap, but it dulls the passionate and desperate atmosphere they had entered the room with.

Suddenly there's a weight on his hand, but he doesn't have to look down to know that Sapnap has intertwined their fingers. He still does though, fascinated by the way their hands fit so perfectly together, the contact steadying his racing thoughts.

He doesn't dare break the silence still, not sure what he could say that would capture the range of emotions he feels right now.

"Karl," Sapnap whispers to his right, small voice cutting through the quiet, "you know I really, _really_ like you, right?"

Karl looks over to him, but the other's eyes are glued to the ceiling, one of his hands fiddling with one of the strings on his hoodie.

Karl turns back to where he was originally looking, a new round of butterflies erupting in every part of his body. "I think so." he says, feeling like if he said anything else it would come out in a cracked voice.

Sapnap doesn't seem to be completely satisfied with the answer. "Like, I want to be with you." he adds, sounding more confident as he continues. "Only you. And sometimes I'm afraid that you don't know that, and I- I need you to know that."

Karl feels his throat go dry, and he internally questions how their little rendezvous turned into this: an emotionally charged conversation in the quiet of a stranger's room.

"Sapnap, you don't need to tell me that, I know." he manages out softly, still not looking at the other.

He did know — wholeheartedly, he knew. Sapnap was always quick to remind him, especially on the days when Karl couldn't help but compare himself to Carrie.

It was inevitable, Karl comparing himself to Carrie, and the insecurity that came with it. It was especially hard in the beginning, but as their relationship grew in strength, Karl's jealousy had been able to smooth out. There were still times though, like tonight, when Karl felt the jealousy come back in full force, an ugly feeling that was only satiated when Carrie was out of sight completely.

Suddenly Sapnap is moving to his right, situating himself so that he's leaning sideways on his propped up elbow and facing Karl, a look of concern on his face. "No, Karl, I do need to tell you that. You need to know how much I care about you, how much I-"

He stops himself, placing his head in one of his hands, sighing heavily.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know? And, it's like, not fair that you have to deal with my shit all the time. You don't deserve that, Karl. You don't deserve to only be kissed in a stranger's bedroom because I'm too scared to do it anywhere else."

Karl feels his heart soar at the words, and he sits up so that he's meeting Sapnap's gaze head on, squeezing his hand in what he hopes is a comforting way.

"That means a lot," he whispers out, the dark room making it hard for Karl to see anything other than Sapnap's pleading eyes.

He hopes Sapnap can see the sincerity in his.

"But Sap," he gulps, not even thinking before words are spilling out of his mouth, "I'm okay with dealing with your shit. I get it, and I'm okay with being your secret. Someone you get to indulge in and be yourself around. I want to be that for you."

He doesn't know what else to say, feeling emotionally drained and dangerously close to telling Sapnap the full truth — that he _loves_ him, that he would do anything for him, despite it all, despite Carrie.

Whether Carrie's in the picture or not, whether their relationship is a secret or not, Karl still gets to see the soft side of Sapnap that he doesn't show anyone else — the Sapnap who plays with his hair when they nap together and kisses him when he does bad on a chemistry test and sends him the stupidest TikToks that he captions with, 'this reminded me of u :p'.

They don't kiss in front of other people, but Karl thinks he can sacrifice that for everything else.

"Karl, you son of a bitch," Sapnap gruffly mutters out, but Karl can see the smile on his face, as if it's outshining the dark shadows in the room. He playfully shoves Karl, who just grins in return, shoving him back.

Sapnap grabs onto one of his wrists as Karl shoves him, yanking him back down to the position they had been in before, except they're much closer this time, noses practically touching.

Karl's eyes travel down to Sapnap's lips, leaning in slowly to press a small kiss on the edge of his mouth.

"I mean it," he breathes out, so quiet that Sapnap wouldn't have been able to hear it if they hadn't only been inches apart. The other boy brings a hand up to caress the side of Karl's face, thumb tracing the edge of his jaw.

"I don't deserve you, Karl Jacobs." Sapnap says in return, his words equally as quiet as Karl's, so much so that Karl's afraid he misheard him.

Sapnap leans in once again, kissing him so softly and with so much gentleness that Karl feels like he might implode due to his overflowing heart. He brings one of his hands up to hold onto Sapnap's, grabbing onto it and bringing it down so that Sapnap's hand was placed over his heart.

The other boy pulls away from him at the movement, looking down at where his hand meets Karl's chest. Karl feels his heart rate pick up against the force of Sapnap's hand, and Sapnap starts to open his mouth to say something when the sound of the door swinging wide open abruptly shatters the moment, causing Karl to spring up while Sapnap cusses and falls sideways off of the bed, hitting the ground with a loud thud.

Karl looks to the door, annoyed yet relieved when he sees it's only Dream, a small yet wicked smile on his face. He watches as Dream winks at him before turning his head, shouting, "I found them!"

"What the hell is your problem?" Sapnap groans, head popping up from behind the bed. This just causes Dream to laugh, a contagious-sounding wheeze that almost drowns out the loud music that had interrupted the quiet atmosphere.

"Sorry, didn't expect you guys to be fucking in here," Dream says, laughing still as he adjusts his hood.

Karl's eyes widen and he feels a blush return to his face. He looks over at Sapnap, who looks too shocked to say anything. "We- we weren't-"

George stumbles in next to Dream, cutting off Karl's failure at denying Dream's absurd claim. Karl's embarrassment turns to amusement as he watches George try to gain his composure, leaning all over Dream to balance himself.

"We're playing spin the bottle!" George yells, much too happy about the statement. His arms wrap around Dream, who doesn't seem to mind the extra contact. "Come on!"

Karl turns back to Sapnap, who has finally gotten up off of the floor. The other looks equally as annoyed as Karl first was about the interruption, crossing his arms at George's words.

"What are we, fourteen?" Sapnap scoffs, eyebrows raised. Karl agrees, unsure why anyone here would be interested in such a game, but George just rolls his eyes in a dramatic manner.

"It's fun, you guys are just babies." he huffs out, turning to head out of the room and back into the hallway. Dream just shrugs at them, sending Sapnap a brief yet pointed look before turning to follow George.

Karl gets off of the bed warily, walking a few steps so that he's standing next to Sapnap. "Does Dream know about us?" he asks hesitantly, turning to the doorframe in which Dream had just been standing in.

Sapnap just shrugs. "He definitely knows _something._ I haven't told him anything, though."

Karl looks at him skeptically. "That doesn't scare you?"

The other boy shrugs again, much to Karl's shock. "I mean, him and George obviously have something going on, right? So, like, if anyone's going to know, I'm chill with it being him."

Karl nods, feeling himself smile at the idea of Dream knowing about them; a person they don't have to hide around. It's strangely intoxicating, despite Karl's previous claim that their relationship doesn't have to be perceived by others to be real.

Sapnap starts to walk to the door, turning back towards Karl once he reaches it. "You're coming, right?" Sapnap asks, a playful smile on his face. "I'm only playing this shit if you are too."

Karl smiles even wider at that, nodding as he moves to meet Sapnap at the doorframe, although part of him feels an attachment to the room they spent time in. He looks back at the bed with a forlorn glance, as if departing from a loved one.

Sapnap seems to notice, because he puts a hand around Karl's shoulder and pulls him closer one last time. "Hey, if you want, we can finish the night at my house afterwards? A good old fashioned sleepover?" he whispers softly, squeezing his shoulder as he does so.

Humming softly at that, Karl lays his head on the side of Sapnap's shoulder. "Sounds fun," he mumbles softly, feeling drunk off of the gentle contact where his head meets Sapnap's side.

Not wanting to move from this position, but realizing that George and Dream were probably waiting on them, Karl moves away from Sapnap with a yawn. "Lead the way, _baby._ "

Sapnap rolls his eyes, but he turns around anyway, starting to walk to the room where the game was commencing.

"You're never gonna let me live that down, huh?" he asks, sending a backwards glance towards Karl as they enter the new room.

Karl looks around at the group of teenagers inhabiting the room they were now in, a mix of girls and boys alike, all of them sitting in a circle and looking just as intimidating as Karl would've guessed. Involuntarily, he feels himself drawing closer to Sapnap.

"Nope," he whispers as they come to a stop. He doesn't recognize any of them, other than Dream and George. Dream is talking to a boy on his right and George is listening to him speak intently, so they don't notice Karl and Sapnap's entrance.

Sapnap nudges him softly and sends him an encouraging 'this will be fun' smile, moving to where there were two empty seats in the circle. Karl follows him, trying to deny the new set of nerves that had entered his stomach.

Sitting down, he finds himself relieved to see that Carrie is nowhere to be seen, and he lets himself scoot closer to Sapnap so that their knees are just barely touching, an action he would've been too scared to do if Carrie had been present.

A girl to Karl's left places a bottle in the center of all of them, and the conversations around them all suddenly stop, attention fixated on the empty beer bottle.

"Okay, who's going first?"

They end up going in order, starting with a girl directly in front of Karl who he thinks he's seen before, either in one of his classes or just in the hallways. When she spins the bottle it lands on a boy directly to her right, and Karl starts to feel better when he watches as they awkwardly blush and stumble over their words, eventually meeting in the middle in the shortest, most awkward kiss Karl has ever seen.

The whole thing reminds Karl of being in middle school, and somehow, the thought brings him comfort.

Some more people spin afterwards, but it's pretty uneventful for Karl. George spins at one point, landing on a boy who is very adamant on not kissing someone of the same gender. George rolls his eyes and calls him a pussy (probably the highlight of the whole night so far, because Dream laughs so hard that they have to pause the game), and the boy gets so butt-hurt that he lets George quickly peck him on the lips.

Karl had been scared for this aspect of the game, the boys-kissing-boys and girls-kissing-girls part, not ready to face the wrath of a group of homophobic high schoolers. From what Karl knew, everyone at their school was straight, and many of them didn't seem to be too accepting of anything else.

Surprisingly, though, out of the few times this was brought up, people were pretty chill about it. One guy whose bottle had landed on another guy ended up just laughing it off, promptly choosing to spin again. Other than that, people hadn't treated it much differently, not taking the game too seriously.

Karl watches in amusement as a girl spins and lands on her friend, both girls laughing as they quickly embrace each other in a friendly kiss.

With each spin, Karl feels anxiety swell in his stomach as he watches the bottle slow to a stop. He's been lucky so far, not having to kiss anyone, but he knows the luck won't hold up for long.

As if some external force could hear his exact thoughts at that exact time, the next spin ends up landing on him, and Karl looks up to meet the gaze of the person who spun it, a boy sitting to the right of Sapnap who hadn't spoken much the whole round.

Karl feels his stomach lurch and his face heat up, but he tries to calm his nerves and act unbothered. It's not like the boy was going to want to kiss him, anyway.

"Uh," the boy says, staring blankly at Karl, "You cool with this?"

Karl feels taken aback at the words, not expecting the boy, who he thinks is in his English class, to go through with it, much less ask for his consent.

"Uh, I guess so..." Karl mumbles, scratching the side of his head as he looks around at everyone else, all of their eyes on him. "It's just a game, so whatever." he adds shortly, trying to play it off as if kissing boys was a totally new and foreign concept to him.

It becomes awkwardly silent as the boy stiffly moves across Sapnap, and Karl moves forward to meet him halfway, painfully aware of how invasive they're being of Sapnap's personal space. Karl's elbow is practically shoved in Sapnap's lap, but he tries to ignore it.

They pause for a moment, and Karl half expects the boy to chicken out at the last second, but he abruptly leans in and places a hard kiss on Karl's lips.

The sound of girls cheering excitedly fills the room, but all Karl can focus on is the way Sapnap tenses up to his right. Realizing that the kiss didn't need to be any longer than a peck, Karl backs up quickly, stumbling back to his seat. Wiping at his lips, he sits back down and sees that the boy is still in the same position, sending him a weird, unreadable look that Karl just returns with a half-hearted smile.

He spares a look to Sapnap as he tries to regain composure, noticing the way Sapnap doesn't meet his gaze, the other's eyes trained on the boy Karl had just kissed.

Karl feels floaty at that, and he tries hiding his smile at the obviously jealous nature of his body language. The boy from English is sitting back in his regular position on the floor now, looking at Sapnap with fear in his eyes as the boy glares at him.

"That was like, super cute!" Some random girl squeals happily, words slurred together, "Guys should kiss each other more often!"

Karl feels his face burn up even more at the words, feeling embarrassed and weirdly objectified. He didn't understand how their kiss had been any cuter than any of the others, but he tries to force a smile on his face and nod along as if he's unbothered.

The words seem to snap Sapnap's attention back to the game as he turns to the bottle in front of him, it's direction still pointed at Karl. Using one hand, he turns it swiftly, sitting back as he watches it spin around.

While it does so, Karl lets himself sit back on his propped up hands as well, feeling a lot less anxious as his cheeks return to their normal color. He doesn't even mind the fact that Sapnap will have to kiss a random stranger; he's made peace with the idea after seeing him kiss Carrie so many times.

The feeling of peace doesn't last long, and nothing could've prepared Karl for the way his heart dropped as the bottle slowly comes to a stop, right in front of him. _Again._

Karl thinks his heart would've leapt out of his chest if not for Dream's barking laughter coming from the other side of the room, which Karl ignores in favor of looking up at Sapnap with wide eyes.

"Twice in a row!" George laughs from somewhere faraway, but Karl can barely hear it, gulping slightly.

Sapnap is giving him a shocked look, and Karl tries to reason with him wordlessly, sending him a look that he hopes conveys, _You don't have to do this if you don't want to._

Sapnap's shock slowly fades from his face, a nervous smile taking its place. "Um, you ready, Jacobs?" he asks lightly, in a soft way that mirrors his voice when it was just the two of them in the stranger's bedroom.

Karl nods, feeling like he probably wouldn't be able to form anything coherent if he spoke.

Sapnap nods in return, partly in confirmation and partly in what looks like an attempt to psych himself up for whats about to happen.

Karl sends him an encouraging smile, trying to mentally block out the rest of the teenagers all sitting around and staring at them. Part of it excites him, though, and he can't believe they're actually about to kiss in front of other people, no matter the weird and sort of fucked up circumstances.

Sapnap doesn't look like he planned on moving anytime soon, petrified frozen in the position he's in, so Karl takes the initiative to lean forward, gently placing his lips against the others.

It's soft and sweet, just like countless others that they've shared, but there's an added pressure of doing it around other people, a new and foreign concept that makes Karl's stomach feel both fuzzy and nauseous at the same time.

He indulges in the new sensations for a few seconds longer than necessary before pulling back slowly, trying not to make it obvious that this is something him and Sapnap did on the regular.

The room feels suffocatingly silent, but all Karl can do is look up at Sapnap, who's quickly glancing around the room as if trying to determine everyone's reaction. Finally his eyes land back on Karl's, an unreadable expression on his face. Karl instantly feels worried, afraid that he pressured Sapnap when the other hadn't been ready, but he breathes in relief as Sapnap smiles weakly at him, running a hand through his hair as he nods once again. 

The sound of Dream and several other girls whooping to the side brings Karl back to earth, but he still can't bring himself to stop looking at Sapnap. There was something so mesmerizing about the way Sapnap's nervousness melted into confidence, jokingly bowing as Dream continued to cheer them on. 

Karl knows he has to spin now, knows its his turn to continue the game, but he's still trying to control his racing mind and comprehend the last few moments.

He and Sapnap had kissed in front of people, an idea that had felt inconceivable earlier tonight. 

He quickly grabs the bottle and spares another look towards Sapnap, feeling his smile widen as Sapnap laughs at something someone in the group had said, looking carefree and content. Sapnap then turns to the side to lock eyes with Karl as he finishes laughing, sending him a grin and a wink and nudging him softly with his knee. 

_This,_ Karl thinks to himself, knee knocking back against Sapnap's as he returns his happy expression, _this is all I want._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u tell ive never been to a high school party . . :D
> 
> anyway, goodnight my loves..... have a magical evening/day/life <3

**Author's Note:**

> hope u liked it gamers !!! if u wanna follow my tumblr it is @pognotfound .. hmu ;)


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